The Name Game

"What is in a name?" pondered Shakespeare.... Well I'm here to answer ole' Willy S's question. There is a Hell of a lot you can tell by someone's name. Especially a guy's name. Now I know I might be being SUPER slightly stereotypical and presumptuous with this post, but I strongly believe it holds true for AT LEAST 80% of the men out there in this world today. Journey with me, and see if you agree.....I guarantee you you've never met a classy person named "Dusty".....


First off:
Brad, Ken, Sean, Bruce, Jim  group: 1980s fratters with family money. The fathers of pastel polos and wayfarer sunglasses. The higher the hair the closer to God. They are now successful businessmen, senators, lawyers. Not smart enough to be doctors. They married their fraternity sweethearts (see:  Jenny, Ginger, Holly)and have children (see: Parker, Wells, Molly) but have not lost their willingness or ability to rage and sneak around behind their sweethearts backs. These men tend to drink scotch or bourbon and wear loafers with no socks. You can take the boy out of the frat, but you can’t take the frat out of the boy. (Note: Thomass/ Tommys are often, but not always, in this group)

Still think I'm just making this up? See exhibit B.

The Michael, Josh, Tyler, Alex, Kyle group: These are the nice guys. Normal guys. Middle class guys with normal families and normal lives. They wear polos, but not lacoste. They are not beneath Old Navy or Abercrombie. They wear ties and not bowties. They went to college and were possibly, but not always in frats. They drink Bud Light and tend to be funny, happy, outgoing and decently smart. They grow up to be accountants or businessmen with a cute wife and 2.5 kids. These are the guys all girls should shoot to marry as far as I’m concerned. (Also included in this group can be Chad's, Rob's, Will's)

Exhibit C:

The Jamie, Jason, Cody, Brandon group: men with these names, more often than not, are related to someone who lives in a trailer, or in fact live in a trailer themselves. It is a rare occasion that they have clean hands, as they are usually involved (either for profession or hobby) in some form of mechanics. They are often factory workers, or gas station clerks. In high school, they were the A-list rednecks and dated the queens of the T.P. (see also:  Tiffini, Leslie, Amber , Misti)

The vast population of men that were born in 96, SC have one or two of these names.

Note: Brandon is capable of being classy, if you were born before 1980. However, most Brandons post- 1980 fall into this group.  

Case D: 

The Parker, Wade, Thompson, Reynolds, etc group” Also known as “the boys with two last names”.  These are usually the sons of the “Brad, Ken, Sean, Bruce, Jim  group”.  There are two kinds of these boys.  The frat/asshole types that are egotistical bourbon drinkers, just like their fathers, Or the sweet southern boys that help old people and are kind to women. All I have to say is that you better pray to the baby Jesus that you encounter the latter.

Next up, 

The Braden, Jayden, Caden, Aiden, Hayden Group: Braden and Hayden can often be as much as 25 years of age, as their parents were inventive and classy when naming their child in the mid-80s. However, the over-use of the "-aden" was officially consummated in the early 2000s pending the birth of Britney Spear's and Will Smith's kids. Both "Jayden"... I estimate that 98% of the people in this group are under the age of 8 and have 5 or more classmates with rhyming names. 

Last but CERTAINLY not least: 

Dusty, Rusty, Levi, Leroy, Tater, Kenny Group: Men in this group have most certainly at some point resided in a trailer park. They drive a Chevy Z71 that was made between the years of 1991 and 1995 and it is most often silver or red. (paint is chipped of course). It is a requirement that you have AT LEAST 3 tattoos, to be in this group, one or more will have some form of a skull or rose. Men with these names MOST certainly come from 96, SC.

Now.... Am I right, or am I right?

Random Recipe Friday #3

Turkey Taco Casserole

This one's great for keeping the carbs/cals down, and a breeze to make. Freezes great too!

1 lb ground turkey
Tones Taco seasoning to taste (if you can't find tones you can use whatever brand, but Tones is the shit.)
1 chopped green pepper
1/2 chopped onion
1/2 jar salsa (more if you want)
1 can black beans
2% cheese, cheddar or mexi blend

Sautee Turkey, pepper and onion in a pan until turkey is brown. Drain Turkey if nescessary, but most of the time you don't need to. Add taco seasoning, black beans and salsa. Transfer to casserole dish and top with cheese. Bake at 350 for 30 minutes!

If you're not being a "Healthy Holly" this goes great with chips or tortillas, and regular white Mexican cheese. Also, great to serve as a dip. This recipe is a TRUE multi-tasker :)

F You, Friday Night.

This is half humorous and half pathetic, but I’m into bearing my soul lately so sit down, shut up, and here we go.

What do single women do on a Friday night? I’m not in to going to bars by myself, and getting abducted Natalie Holloway style, or rufee’d (unless he’s really hot, in which case I’ll reassess)… Friday is obviously date night. The night where all the people in the world who have significant others get to wind down and watch a movie or go out to eat or release stress or whatever with their sweetie… 99.99999 percent of my friends happen to partake in date night, usually leaving me to take a random road trip to be with family/other single friends or…dreaded option #2, hang out on my couch by myself. Ok so I know this is making me sound totally pathetic, but I SWEARRRR I’m not. I’m totally normal, rather funny and have tons of fun plans and lunches during the week—but somehow Friday nights always leave me metaphorically out in the cold. (or if I’m on my balcony smoking, literally out in the cold.) I KNOW I can’t be the only one this happens to (or at least I HOPE I’m not), so I’ve compiled a list of what actually happens on lonely Friday nights, and some suggestions of what I can do to avoid this scenario in the future.

5:29 pm, leave office and beeline to my car.

5:33, dial up my mom to see what she’s doing.

5:42, promptly tell her I have to go, cause I just rolled up to the liquor store.

5:44, enter Indian liquor store by my office, and pick up my ususal (6 jumbo bottles of red wine, 2 pinot, 2 merlot,2 cab) that should last me through the weekend at least.

5:50, arrive at liquor store checkout and notice that they are now making alchoholic whipped cream.

5:51, impulse buy the alcoholic whipped cream and swear to myself that If I ever get a Friday night date, whatever we do WILL involve said whipped cream.

6:30, arrive home and kick off heels in exchange for flip flops

6:32, immediately go for the kitchen, and open bottle number one.

6:34, glass number 2, bottle 1.

As the night progresses, I follow some similance of the next events (although they aren’t always in this order), shower, don full “single girl” attire (yoga pants/nike shorts and tshirt, no makeup, wet hair) cook dinner, watch jersey shore or American Pickers, paint my toes, drink 6 more glasses of wine, watch dvr of Duke game, speaker phone my dad, try to read my book, realize that I am too drunk to read, turn on nick at nite, watch 2 episodes of the Nanny, pass out.

It’s true, judge me if you must. I know I’m not the only one who does this shit so I’m not gonna feel bad about it. And usually, I rather enjoy my time to myself because I know I’ll miss the QT when I have a boyfriend/husband/children,  but there are some Friday nights that I’d like to break the cat-lady-in-training routine (except for I hate cats, so switch to dogs). So I’ve been pondering what I can do instead. Safety is an issue for a girl by herself in a big city, so this one has proven to be pretty tough. Plus I don’t want to go to the movies by myself, and announce my pathetic status to the whole world, I much prefer being pathetic in the privacy of my own home. Right? So after much thought I’ve come up with the following activities that single people can do on Friday nights.

Go to Target/Mall: This requires that you have some extra cash, but if you do, retail therapy is a great way to spend a Friday night (or any night for that matter). Nothing takes away the sting of lonliness like a new outfit! Plus, there will be Next to no one in the store, so you can shop in peace!

Go to the Gym: This is a great way to hopefully meet other single people who don’t want to do the cat lady thing either, so maybe you’ll make a new bestie. Another perk of this, is that you can wear your single girl attire, minus the wet hair, plus a sports bra.

Take a class: So truthfully, I don’t know if they offer any classes (photography, painting, etc) on Friday nights but if they did that would be a phenom idea.

Brave the Bar: This one just depends on the bar, I’d say. Pick someplace rather upscale… this decreases your chances of getting rufied and maybe you’ll meet some baller status single guy. If there are a shortage of guys, bartenders are always easy to talk to. Make your stay long enough to meet people, but short enough that you don’t look like a bar rat.

So there it is. My assessment of the single Friday night, and ways to break the cycle.  Comments, suggestions, criticisms, suggestions of dog breeds are welcome.

Random Recipe Fridays (a few days late)

Sorry Guys I've totes been busy-- Here's last Friday's recipe:
My single/couple food staple recommendation this week is frozen boneless, skinless chicken breasts. These are so economical and perfect for single portions. I live on these.

Quick/Healthy Italian Chicken

1 egg
flour to coat chicken in
2 chicken breasts
1 can diced italian tomatoes ( i try to get no salt added)
1-2 cut up zuchhini or squash
1/2 packet of Italian seasoning (should be in w/ the chili seasoning, etc)
1/2 cut up onion (opt)
1/4 bar of cream cheese or neufchatel, cut into pieces (opt)


Bread Chicken with egg and then lightly coat in flour ( you can skip the breading if desired, i just like it better), set aside
In pan with olive oil, butter, veg oil (whatever you have) sautee the zucchini and onion until they start to be translucent.
Add chicken and brown a couple of minutes on both sides
Reduce heat to med-lo, add tomatoes (drain about half of the juice), seasoning and cheese.
Let simmer for about 15 minutes.
Serve over Pasta if desired, but it's great on it's own if you're looking to skip the carbs!

If you don't have time do do it in a skillet, you could skip the breading and dump all this in a crock pot and leave on Low 7-8 hrs, or High for 4-5.

This looks, smells and tastes like you've slaved over it.  Don't tell anyone-- Or hey, if you're serving this to company, double the recipe, serve them some wine first and they'll definitely never know you did this in 20 minutes :)  I'd pair this with Pinot Grigio, contrary to my blog title.....