Take That, Ashley Hebert.

Last night I decided to have a little get together of friends and family at my new (I've been there 2 months) apartment. I was so happy because I hadn't seen this crew in a WHILE! We always mean to get together, but then life just gets in the way.... I'm always one that says I'd rather sit in a room with 12 people that I love and am truly interested in, than a party of 120 who I don't really know. Now to top off my excitement, this is the first "big girl" party I've ever thrown, and every single person I invited, came! I made some dips, chilled the beer, and waited patiently played Friends Scene it with Katie  until they arrived!

Now, there's almost no two things I love more than wine and reality TV. So you can IMAGINE my excitement when my Aunt Di brought me a bottle of wine SIGNED and made (that means touched at some point) by Bachelorette Runner-Up (on the most recent season with Ashley Hebert) Ben F!!!! I still have yet to take in the full specs of it (what kind, what vintage, etc) because I was so distracted by his autograph ("Enjoy! Ben Flajnik"). I thought about spooning with it displaying it in my room, but I decided it might look not as crazy better in my kitchen wine cabinet. So I've decided, there it will sit until I a) get engaged, b)get a promotion, or c) buy a house. ** Side note, I did some research on Ben F's winery out in Sonoma and then got distracted by some celebrity gossip blogs detailing Ashley's HARSH rejection of him on the season finale. She did that boy WRONG. Hoe.**

Anyway, it would seem that my life is on a high right now, with the raging success of my first adult get-together, my wine and great people I'm blessed to be friends/family with. So to you, Bachelorette Ashley, I say: Take that. My life is ruling right now.

The Wreck of the Day

If you know me, it’s no secret that I lose one of the following things (work badge, debit card, keys, purse, wallet, makeup, camera) at LEAST twice a day. I have no idea WHYYYY this continues to happen. Somewhere around the eeeehhh, say, 7th debit card I’d lost I really started to pay more attention. Putting it back In my wallet, or at the VERY LEAST a zippered pocket of my purse after each use. Yet somehow, I STILLLLLLL continue to lose the SHIT out of these things.

Which brings me to my latest fiasco, which occurred just a mere few hours ago. I pulled up at the gas pump at Kroger because, duhhh, I needed to fill up my tank. *Side note, I’m not one of those people who gets gas when they’re at a half tank. I wait til it’s absolutely on E and there’s the possibility that I might just run out at any second in the middle of Peachtree Parkway. Give me a friggin break- that’s the only adrenaline rush I ever get in my boring life.* So I get out of the car, follow the routine, have a mini-tantrum cause I don’t have enough Kroger Points to get 10 cents off per gallon, I only effing get 3 cents off. UGHHHHH. And then start to fill up, when suddenly, I’m distracted by some snot nosed three year old in the car seat of the Mid90s Honda Oddesey at the pump next to me. “MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!! MOMMYYYY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I WANNNA TOYYYYYYYYYY MMAAAAAAAAAMMMYYYYYYYYY” I think to myself. “mother of pearl I’m glad that’s not me. That kid’s got some pipes.” I notice his mother, completely ignoring him and pumping her own gas. I think to myself “if that were my kid, we would be having a Come-to-Jesus meetin’ about how we should behave in a public place and that’s the fact, jack.” The click of the gas pump jars me out of my mental parenting prep course and I notice that my total’s only 51 bucks! (small personal victory- I had budgeted for 60) I close up shop at Kroger and move on to Qdoba.

Get in line at Qdoba, survey any men eating lunch by themselves, notice 2 cute ones, secretly think that I wish they’d ask me to join them and then we’d run off together and live happily ever after and have a cute story to tell to our grandkids (well behaved grandkids I might add) about how we just randomly met at Qdoba one day over Ancho Chile BBQ Burrito Bowls. After I finally figure out what the “fresh-over-the-border” Hispanic worker is saying to me I order my burrito, with as little words as possible, and step up to the Cash Register. She tells me my total, which is highway robbery, and I realize that I don’t have my debit card. I mutter a four letter word, or 3, under my breath and tell her I’ve left it in my car- I’ll be right back to pay. Get to my car. Frantically search my purse. No Debit Card. Frantically search again, this time emptying the contents out and checking in all pockets and folded up koozies. Still no debit card. “GOD WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO MEEEEEEEEE EVERYTIMEEE” I cry! (no literally by now I’m crying)- as if it’s God’s fault I’ve lost my debit card. Ok fine. Time to break out the “under-the-seat-search”. I open my car door, bump it into the Acura parked next to me, Hope no one’s looking, and hit the pavement. I can only imagine what it must have looked like—a camry parked in the Qdoba parking lot, with audible crying noises, and the big ass of a panicked 25 year old, (with fantastic pumps on—black, pointy toe stilettos with a rose on the side) coming out of the driver’s side. At this point I’m in such a tizzy I bump my head on the steering wheel, drop a curse word, and move to the passengers side to continue the floor board search. I found some Febreeze and a pair of flip flops, but still no card.

At this point, I’m driving back to Kroger and assessing the worst case scenario in my head. OK, I’ve lost the card forever, I’m starving, I have no cash or anything to get lunch, no time to go home, I’m going to be late going back to work, and my future husband sat at the window facing the parking lot and is now going to hypothetically divorce me because he saw me having a full out breakdown in front of 10s of passersby. After picking myself up from the divorce, I’m going to have to go by the bank, get a temporary card, face the bank, for what I assume is my 15th lost debit card in 2 years, and on top of all that, re-do my makeup.

The card was at Kroger. I moved on with my day. I prayed that God would bless the kind person that returned my debit card. Honestly, I blame the screaming 3-year-old in the Honda van for my absent-mindedness. And I promise you I’m going to invent some chip that you can just have implanted in your left thumb that is your debit card, keys, work badge, and apartment gate key all rolled into one and then go on that show “Shark Tank” and sell it and become a millionaire and just pay someone to be smart and mindful for me. Cause Lord knows I can’t do it alone.

The Name Game, Part Deux

After many positive responses to my original blog classifying people on their names, and absolutely no other basis, I’ve decided to write a Female edition. I’ve been thinking about it for some time and I’ve found that women are not as easily classified as men- but here’s my best attempt.

Ashley, Ashleigh, Ashlie, Ashlee, Ashlyee-  Most often Ashley’s are gorgeous girls that guys want to date. Ashley’s walk into a room and people notice them. They’re adorable with dazzling smiles and oozing with charm. My theory on this is that they have to be original, because they have to make up for the completely generic 1980s name that they’ve been given. If you are a girl between the ages of 15 and 25 I guarantee you have been best friends with an Ashley at LEAST once. You have more than 3 entries of an Ashley in your cell phone address book. You have at least one family member named Ashley.  If you are a guy in this age range, you have slept with at least 1 Ashley and fooled around with 3. And ironically enough, it always seems that Ashley’s don’t have last names. “Hi, I’m Callie Chappell, Nice to meet you”  is the proper way to introduce one’s self, I would think, but it just never seems to matter what Ashley’s last name is. “Hi! I’m Ashley!” will do in any given social or professional setting. If Ashley’s must have a last name it should only be a letter. Ashley M. Ashley B. Ashley S.  (I’m assuming this stems from elementary school in the 90s when, in a class of 14 kids, 8 of them were named Ashley.)

Katie, Catie, Katey-  Truth be told, I love Katie’s. I’ve never met one I didn’t like and two of my best friends in the whole world are Katie’s. Every Katie I’ve ever met is down to earth, funny and normal. They’re easy to be around and will make you feel like you’ve known them forever. Katie’s make good wives. Katie’s make great friends. Katie’s are the shit.

Jennifer, Jessica, - dude. Watch your shit. They will stir the pot, and steal your boyfriends, and act sweet and innocent while doing it. (this is not true for ALLLL jennifer’s and jessica’s. I have a select few that I find very endearing.) But for the most part, they are DRAMA QUEENS. STAY. AWAY.

Misti, Christi, Kristi, Crystal, Amber, and any name that is a season- Get off the pole Summer, Get out of the trailer park Autumn, Put down that Boones Farm Kristi, and Misty- that chipped air brushing on your nails is offensive. Crystal and Amber are at least trying to go to Community College to get their cosmetology license. I think you get the picture.

Brittany, Britney, Britanay, Brittney, Britny, Brittiny- In my experience, no matter how you spell it, Brittney = Bitchney.  To compensate for their generic nature, Brittney’s feel the need to make their mark on the world by doing what they want and leaving you in their wake. They feel that they are the most important party in any relationship and that you should revere them. I’ve met one exception, but generally… that’s Brittney, Bitch.

Rain, Sky, Stormy, Dawn- I hope that you didn’t get second hand smoke in the womb…. But even if you did, I’m sure Whole Foods has some organic remedy to clear your head. Don’t forget your granola and chamomile tea on the way to your yoga and meditation classes. Your husband Earth, will have your free range chicken ready when you get home. Oh, BTW, teva’s are on sale at DSW right now. Also, you might want to re-think the bandanna-on-your-head look. While convenient for hiking, it’s not exactly a good look for anyone, except Cinderella. Wait- are you sure you’re not a lesbian?

Catherine, Ellen, Blair, Claire, Anne, Sallie, Molly, any double name such as (Anna Kate), or any last name as a first name. (ie Collins, Heyward,)- these girls can be found at your nearest greek village sporting khaki skirts, sorority t-shirts and pearls. They’re classy and not easy (unless they’ve been to the SAE wine mixer…) they’re well bred and well spoken. They’re at college to pursue their dreams of being tennis playing housewives lawyers and doctors while simultaneously having four years of freedom from their overly-strict parents. I bet you the next girl you see driving a beemer will be named Addison, or the like…. I also bet her dad pays for her car and insurance and that she has at least one credit card in his name.

Martha, Joyce, Carolyn, Betty, Peggy, Debbie- I’m sorry.

Jordan, Taylor, Riley, Hunter- ahhh, the new “pat”.  Are they boys names? Are they girls names?  I don’t get this and I’m sorry if you’re named this regardless of what gender you are. Unless of course you’re a drag queen, or sexually confused, in which case those names would probably work pretty well, since that gender line is slightly blurred for you anyway… Otherwise. Sorry gals, er uh, guys?

In order Aus?

First of all, if you don't know what my title means: watch this. You'll Roll. I promise.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2lKq794fII

Second of all, I always love when they do those magazine posts about what all the stars are loving, and seeing as how I'm quite the regular joe rising star these days, I thought I'd do a little article of my own.

IN:
Maxi Dresses
Summery Salads with apples grapes and balsamic vinegarette
Kate Middleton (OBVIIIII)
Savignon Blanc
"Keep Your Head Up" by Andy Grammar (those of you that know me-- please be proud that I know a current top 40 song)
Got2B Flat Iron Balm
Side Braids
Team Work
Metallics
Birthday Cake Ice Cream from Bruster's

AUS:
Work Overload
Wedding Season
Facebook
Angry Birds
Selfishness
Beiber
Charlie Sheen
The Color Brown
One Night Stands
Weinergate

I've had it With Social Networking.

So far this week, my yahoo account has been hacked and I have had to re-live 3 engagements, 7 weddings, 2 births and 5 ultrasounds. I'm done with wanting to know what's up with 1,060 of my closest friends. If you care about what's up with me, you'll catch me on my cell, read up on my blog, or know my work email and vice versa. I hope that said 1060 friends and their fiances, new husbands and wives, babies and in-utero fetuses have a wonderful life. Maybe I'll be back in two years when all of you are done getting married in time for the actual baby pictures. cause babies are cute. Fetuses and weddings? ehhhhh.... not for me.

Love ya'll. Mean it.

PEACE.

WWKMD, One Week Update

Today, I've officially made it one week in the life of a Hungry Royal. My diet has consisted of lean proteins, vegetables, reduced fat cheeses and a billion ounces of water per day. Days 2-3 were rough. If the devil had shown up and offered me pizza in exchange for my soul, I would have thought about it. But luckily, days 4-7 were an absolute breeze. I don't miss eating crap food and this is way cheaper than eating out anyways. Its clearly a win win. and the kick ass recipes below are pretty great tasting for how healthy they are.
Oh, ps, I've lost 2.5 lbs and have not cheated, except for a peppermint and a half an apple. (hands down the best carbs I've ever eaten. ever. No, really. EVER.)

Recipes Days 2-7

Chicken Fajitas with Low Carb Wraps
4 chicken breasts, cut into strips and marinated in whatever you choose
2 green bell peppers, cut into strips
1 sweet onion cut into chunks
salsa
sour cream
cheese
Low Carb Whole Wheat Wraps (in the Mexican sect of the grocery store- make sure you read the nutrition facts, some of them aren't really low carb.)

Saute the marinated chicken, onions and peppers in olive oil and salsa until cooked and the onions and peppers are softened. Wrap in a low carb tortilla and sprinkle on desired toppings.
** I have to admit, I was really surprised by how much this quenched my craving for Mexican and actually tasted PHENOMENAL.**

Spaghetti and Meatballs- Hold the Spaghetti.
1 lb ground turkey
Chicago Shake Grill Seasoning
1 egg
a sprinkle of italian breadcrumbs (only 5 carbs!!)
1 can of spaghetti sauce
1/2 onion, chunks
1 green pepper, large chunks
1/2 packet of Zesty Spaghetti Sauce Mix

Mix the first 4 ingredients together to form meatballs. Saute onions, peppers, meatballs until meatballs are cooked through. Add sauce and seasoning and simmer for 15-20 minutes. Melt Parm cheese on top if desired.

Chicken and Vegetables in Tomato Cream Sauce
(bet you never thought you could have cream sauce on this diet, but thanks to Neufchatel Cheese, its totally healthy and possible! Only 70 cals and 2 carbs!)
3 chicken breasts cut into strips
2 squash or zuchhini
1/2 Vidalia onion
1 can Italian Seasoned Diced Tomatos
1/2 bar Neufchatel Cheese (in the cream cheese section)
Italian Dressing opt.

Saute chicken and veggies in olive oil or italian dressing until cooked. Drain half of the juice from the tomatoes, add them and the cheese until cheese is melted. Simmer for 10-15 minutes.

Low Carb Recipes

Hey ya'll. Here's some recipes that I used for my first day in Low Carb Hell. They were good so the end of the day seemed less like Hell and a little more just like Purgatory.

Tequila Lime Chicken
3 pcs boneless, skinless chicken breast
Kroger Tequila Lime Marinade
1 can Fire Roasted Tomatoes
1 can Black Beans

Poke Holes in the chicken with a fork and let marinate for 30 minutes in the Tequila Lime in a casserole dish.
After it's marinated, mix in the can of tomatoes and can of black beans (both drained).
Bake for 30 minutes at 350 (or until chicken is done.)


Low Carb Spinach Quiche

8 eggs
1 handful cheddar cheese
1 handful of Italian Blend Cheese
1/2 an onion
6 pcs turkey bacon
1 pkg frozen spinach (thawed)
1 tsp mustard pwdr
1/8 tsp garlic powder
1/4 c grated parmesean cheese

Saute onion, turkey bacon and spinach together until bacon is cooked and onions are carmelized. Whip everything else together in large bowl and pour in the bacon mixture. Transfer to casserole and bake at 350 for 40 minutes, or until fork comes out clean.
(if you're not being too stringent on the carbs, I would add 1/2 and 1/2 or cream, to improve the texture. but the flavoring is spot on)

SIDE NOTE** DIETING IS HARD. everyone tries to say "oh its not that hard", "oh water makes you full, no problem!", "ohh veggies are delicious". NO THEY AREN'T. they are TERRIBLE and anyone who tries to tell me a salad is better than pasta/pizza/mexican/anything with bacon is a DAMN LIAR. I'm convinced these people have just been eating lettuce so long that they're brainwashed and they forgot what real food tastes like.
Thats all. 

What Would Kate Middleton Do? Diet Edition.

It's clearly no secret that I'm completely obsessed with England's newest Royal, Kate Middleton. I think she is so well spoken, classically beautiful, and charming. I admittedly have a girl crush on her and want to be just like her (Prince and all, OBVI.) aaaaaannnnnd she's super skinny too. oops. #FAIL on my part. So I've decided that if I can look like her, I can catch a prince too. I've formulated my own no carb diet that will surely make me 5'9 and 108 lbs, just like Kate, and you all are coming along for the journey.

Day 1: 

8:00- I leave my house with hard boiled eggs, lettuce, carrots, low-carb yogurts in tow. Hungrymeter? 5. 

8:30- arrive at work, sit down at my desk can hardly wait to eat this 60 calorie yogurt. I'm so hungry, I think 60 will feel more like 120.

9:00- finish yogurt, am satisfied. 

9:30- ok i'm a little hungry.

10:00- ok i'm starving.

10:30- HOLY SHIT I have GOT to eat. Eat Hardboiled egg in no more than 3 bites.

10:31- omg only 119 minutes til I can eat again. 

10:31-12- thank goodness I had work to keep me busy. Whoever says water makes you not hungry.... WAS A LIAR.

12:00- fix a salad with italian dressing and 2 carrots. 

12:30- whoever said salad was a substantial meal.... WAS A LIAR. I've finished my entire lunch and literally my stomach is rumbling. I wonder how Kate manages to smile when she's about to pass out? (need to work on that one) 

1:15- Broke down and went to target for some Low Fat string cheese. Feel guilty for eating it. Decide to compartmentalize and put the guilt in the back of my mind. 

2:30- I was supposed to just have yogurt now. I had a yogurt and another egg. 

3-4:29- counting the minutes til my 4:30 snack.

4:30- string cheese. at this point, i'm pretty sure it's better than most sex i've ever had.

5:30- writing blog about being Kate Middleton. Wondering if it's worth it. Holy fuck balls, i'm definitely going to pass out. Leaving work, grabbing another egg, peeing for the 101st time today. 

How does she do it? 

Ready for day 2. If i live. 

Little of This, Little of That...

In light of a recent computer failure, I've been noticeably absent from the blog-o-shpere (wait- i'm kidding myself, i'm sure none of the 20 of you that follow my blog have actually noticed. either way...) I've been rather busy too, ya know turning 25 and cherishing my life and whatnot. But I've decided to bring you all up to date on the goings on in the riveting life of me, CBC.
1. I turned 25. I wrote a little blip about this a couple weeks back. I'm grateful to be here and I feel like my mind and my age match up for the first time, well... ever.
2. I've decided to write a book. Well Co-write- with my best friend Anne-Miller. I've realized recently that every day i'm here is a day that i can help someone. I might not be able to make a major difference- as i don't believe that's really possible for just one person- but if  i can just make one person's life better by being nice, or just simply being me, then i'm going to consider that day a success. and hopefully, a lifetime of days like that will be a considerable success and something that I can be proud of, as well as God can be proud of. So, knowing what i know, dealing with what i've dealt with, - the hard times and the uncertainties of the 20s- I've decided that i might actually be able to help a LOT of people by sharing my knowledge. If anyone would like to weigh in on this or share tidbits of wisdom or humorous stories, we are MORE than happy to have you participate and would love to hear from you. Fyi, the working title is "What the Hell am I Supposed to do Now?".
** Side Note, I have NO idea how to go about getting a book published or edited or represented or anything of that nature. Tips/Suggestions are welcome.
3. I'm going to go hiking this weekend. Now i'm not really one for the physical activity, or outdoors (unless it involves a pool, screened porch, or a golf course--drinks and cigs implied) but i've decided that i think hiking looks fun! I saw it on Modern Family a few weeks ago and it seems to be all the rage lately so i'm about to take my fat ass up to North Ga and go hiking. Totally break outside my box. Appreciate the greatness of the outdoors and hopefully burn a couple calories too. Again, suggestions are welcome- from Playlists to picnics, to locations. I haven't exactly ironed out the details, if you couldn't tell... I'm sure some hilarious antics will happen with my inevitably clumsy self.

Random Recipe Friday is BACK!!!

OMG ya'll I have been MAJORLY slacking on posting in my old age... Sorry bout that! My computer crashed and I've been workin my ass off. Anyway, I made some SWEEET ass chicken chili and I have to share with you. It is totally in line with my "being economical" section, cause it makes enough to feed pharoh's army, and is perfect for freezing.

Kickin' Chicken Chili
Ingredients:
2 cans cream of chicken soup (reduced sodium if i can find)
2 cans navy beans or cannellini beans undrained
1 can original rotel drain half
1/2 c sharp cheddar,
1/2 c chopped onions (opt)
1 pkt of white chili seasoning mix, (or last night i used 2/3 pkt of regular chili mix and that was phenomenal too)
2-4 chicken breasts, or 2 cans chicken
Put all this in a pot or crock pot and heat for a few hours. Serve with sour cream/cheese if you wish.

Serve with: Corn Souffle. 
1 can regular corn
1 can cream corn
1 stick melted butter or margarine
1 box jiffy cornbread mix
Mix all ingredients together and bake in a greased casserole dish for 30-35 min at 375.


This traditional take on cornbread and chili is cheap, sweet, savory and so hearty. You can serve the corn souffle on the side, but I'm kinda partial to mixing them all together, in true southern style.
Enjoy!

My Cup Runneth Over

Today, I have been alive for 25 years. I have 50 people that cared enough to wish me a happy birthday via card, facebook, call, or text And it’s only 11:28 am.  I’ve been dreading turning the big 2-5. Dreading actually might be an understatement. Stressing, crying, picking out my gray hairs and investing in wrinkle cream might be a more accurate depiction. I felt, somehow, that I would wake up today and feel immediately like I was a 45 year old single woman, with nothing to hope for.
But pleasantly, I woke up today and felt like I was 25. . I am 5 years smarter than I was at 20. I am loved. I am 25 and I am young. I have a lot to look forward to. I have family to cherish and friends to love. I have a husband to marry (somewhere out there) and babies to raise.  Everything good will come to me because I will give the world what I want in return. I will give God my undivided attention and blind faith that his plan for my life is unfolding in perfect time and that my big break is just around the corner. I won't wait to be happy. I will be happy now. I am 25 and my best days are still ahead of me. I am 25 and there are no words to describe how grateful I am for all the blessings in my life. I am 25 and this is MY YEAR.  I am 25 and My Cup Runneth Over.

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What Not to Wear: Jeans Edition

This pheomenal idea came about as two of my good friends, Jennings and Anne-Miller, were doing the obligatory "pre-moving day closet clean out". Although I was not there to witness such hilarity, I'm told that these two did a "jeans over the years" fashion show to liven the mood of packing. After this, they've elected me to share commentary on the jeans we have, the jeans we wear, the jeans that we should NEVER wear, and the jeans that should just be removed from the world as a whole. 
Here goes:


1. The jeans that make your hips look like a cupcake. Vanilla, with sprinkles. Don't wear them. Muffin tops are NEVER acceptable. These are mostly found on college girls who spent their money on beer instead of new jeans. 


2. The high waters: (appropriate only in tsunami scenarios). As a tall person myself, I encounter high waters on the reg when searching for the perfect jeans. It's totally my pet peeve. High waters make you look short and stubby, and lets be honest, NO ONE wants to look like that anymore than they have to. Please note, if you are over 5'7. They make jeans for you. They are called TALL. Get the memo. (Side note, this is not applicable to Japanese people at this current juncture. But they're short anyway, so whatever. Their high waters would be like a Girls Size 6X.)


3. The jeans that are so frayed at the bottom that they get caught on your high heels but they make your butt look great so you won’t retire them. (not a problem for us tall girls, but most def for shorties). Although i haven't personally ever had this issue, here's my take: retire them to bum/grocery store/painting jeans, patch, or hem them into capris. OR continue to wear and tell me to go fuck myself. Either way....


4.  The Gut Busters (fit great everywhere else, but the waist is just a tinch too small)- these tend to be high waisted- perhaps mom jeans, but you got them at the fashion shack for 3 bucks so you figured what the hell. They cut right on your belly button and have a humongous gap in the back.


5. Holy Jeans (and no these are not blessed, organic or kosher.) These are the jeans that you got at Abercrombie, when Abercrombie was cool, for 95 bucks and they were ripped all to hell. These are one: immature, two: ugly, three: make you look like you don't give a crap about your appearance, and four: aren't you cold? oh no, you're cold AND stupid because you paid 95 bucks for half a piece of material.


6. The Senior Year Jeans: And i know every single one of you girls is guilty of this, including me. These are the designer jeans that you bought your summer after graduating high school (usually citizens, seven, true religion) and you thought you would be so cool at all the fraternity parties in these jeans and they made your butt look amazing and sucked in your thighs and you paid a small fortune for them because all the cool, rich girls will have them at college. And then..... you gained too much weight in the first semester of college to wear them more than twice. Oops. You kept them, because they were expensive and magical and whatever and they are STILL sitting in the back of your closet. 


7. Button Fly Jeans: Now, ya'll, I'm not gonna lie to ya, I had a pair of these from Old Navy that were some of my favorite jeans ever, but after you become sexually active, these are just inconvenient. Ladies, don't do you man like this. They have enough trouble dealing with your bra.


8. The Low Riders: Think Britney in Slave4U.... Normal people can't pull these off. IF you are normal sized, people can see your crack. If you have a rockin bod, you still look slutty in jeans that have a zipper that is 1 inch long or less. You aren't Britney, bitch.


9. The Improperly Distressed Jeans: These are the ones that are supposed to look cute and hippie sheik and worn in, but instead, some cheap ass factory messed them up and now they have a bunch of awkward horizontal lines on your thighs that point like arrows at your cootie. NO. Just don't.


Please feel free to post pictures, new examples, or share your very own jean stories in the comments section. 
DISCLAIMER ** the tsunami thing was totally a joke. That's horrible what happened to Japan and they are in my prayers-- but be honest, those Japs do probably wear a 6X.....**

·         

Random Recipe Friday #4

So I'm definitely not a huge meatloaf lover, but this caught my eye on a recipe site and turned out to be DELICIOUS. Definitely worth a try, even if you're not generally a meatloaf fan. Excellent with mashed potatoes or as a sandwich.

Turkey Meatloaf

1 lb turkey 

¼ c milk

½ cup Italian breadcrumbs

2 eggs

Salt and pepper to taste (I didn’t need any, but add if you want)

1-2 tsp minced onions

1-2 tsp minced garlic

Sharp Cheddar cheese (a handful. Maybe ½ cup? I didn’t measure)

2-3 tablespoons Honey BBQ sauce (didn’t measure this either)

Mix all these together and put in a GREASED loaf pan. Top with ketchup. Bake at 375 for 45 min-1 hr.

You Know You're Mid20s When....

Thanks to Katie Corsetti and all my rockin facebook friends that helped with this! :)


Without further adieu, here's the list:


1. Social Activities are Photography classes, not mixers.
2. You get excited about $2 well drinks. You get more excited that it will cost you less money, not ONLY because they are $2 but because you can only drink 4, instead of 8- like college.
3. You have a hobby that does not include drinking.
4. You are on some sort of intramurals sports team for people that have graduated college.
5. You would love to have kids one day, but you would be scared shitless if that day was tomorrow.
6. You have completed 2 or more DIY home-improvement projects.
7. You have to call in sick on a Monday because you drank a handle of Jager on Sunday.You went to work on Tuesday and you didn't feel better until Wednesday.
8.You get excited when they card you for cigarettes or alcohol.
9. You have 3 or more wedding invitations on your fridge.
10. You say something and then immediately after say "oh my God that just sounded like my Mother/Father."
11. You think 21 year olds look more like high schoolers. 
12. You read for pleasure.
13. You wake up in your own bed more often than not.
14. Your bank account now has more allocations than "beer" and "food".
15. You do laundry once a week, or own "Dry Clean Only" clothing items.
16.You're tired by the end of "Dancing with the Stars".
17. You actually watch "Dancing with the Stars".
18. When you get pumped that you secretly squeezed one more 2 year cell phone contract out of your Dad.
19. You have crows feet and gray hair that you SWEAR weren't there 2 days ago...
20. When you see your college friends once a year, instead of once a day.
21. You can't skip work on a rainy day and get the notes from someone else.
22. If you're not making wedding plans, you're the odd man out.
23. Its no longer acceptable to wear sweatpants in public for more than 2 hours. 
24. You get super stoked about Casual Friday.
25.You have more silverware/cooking related items in your kitchen than plastic cups and beer mugs.
26. Your "night out" starts at 7:30 pm, not 11pm.
27. All it would take to make you happy on any given day is a facewash headband and 3 glasses of red wine.
28. The last top 40 song you heard was "Bedrock".
29. When Happy Hour is the Best Hour.
30. And Finally, You know you're in your mid20s when.... 30 doesn't seem old.

The Name Game

"What is in a name?" pondered Shakespeare.... Well I'm here to answer ole' Willy S's question. There is a Hell of a lot you can tell by someone's name. Especially a guy's name. Now I know I might be being SUPER slightly stereotypical and presumptuous with this post, but I strongly believe it holds true for AT LEAST 80% of the men out there in this world today. Journey with me, and see if you agree.....I guarantee you you've never met a classy person named "Dusty".....


First off:
Brad, Ken, Sean, Bruce, Jim  group: 1980s fratters with family money. The fathers of pastel polos and wayfarer sunglasses. The higher the hair the closer to God. They are now successful businessmen, senators, lawyers. Not smart enough to be doctors. They married their fraternity sweethearts (see:  Jenny, Ginger, Holly)and have children (see: Parker, Wells, Molly) but have not lost their willingness or ability to rage and sneak around behind their sweethearts backs. These men tend to drink scotch or bourbon and wear loafers with no socks. You can take the boy out of the frat, but you can’t take the frat out of the boy. (Note: Thomass/ Tommys are often, but not always, in this group)

Still think I'm just making this up? See exhibit B.

The Michael, Josh, Tyler, Alex, Kyle group: These are the nice guys. Normal guys. Middle class guys with normal families and normal lives. They wear polos, but not lacoste. They are not beneath Old Navy or Abercrombie. They wear ties and not bowties. They went to college and were possibly, but not always in frats. They drink Bud Light and tend to be funny, happy, outgoing and decently smart. They grow up to be accountants or businessmen with a cute wife and 2.5 kids. These are the guys all girls should shoot to marry as far as I’m concerned. (Also included in this group can be Chad's, Rob's, Will's)

Exhibit C:

The Jamie, Jason, Cody, Brandon group: men with these names, more often than not, are related to someone who lives in a trailer, or in fact live in a trailer themselves. It is a rare occasion that they have clean hands, as they are usually involved (either for profession or hobby) in some form of mechanics. They are often factory workers, or gas station clerks. In high school, they were the A-list rednecks and dated the queens of the T.P. (see also:  Tiffini, Leslie, Amber , Misti)

The vast population of men that were born in 96, SC have one or two of these names.

Note: Brandon is capable of being classy, if you were born before 1980. However, most Brandons post- 1980 fall into this group.  

Case D: 

The Parker, Wade, Thompson, Reynolds, etc group” Also known as “the boys with two last names”.  These are usually the sons of the “Brad, Ken, Sean, Bruce, Jim  group”.  There are two kinds of these boys.  The frat/asshole types that are egotistical bourbon drinkers, just like their fathers, Or the sweet southern boys that help old people and are kind to women. All I have to say is that you better pray to the baby Jesus that you encounter the latter.

Next up, 

The Braden, Jayden, Caden, Aiden, Hayden Group: Braden and Hayden can often be as much as 25 years of age, as their parents were inventive and classy when naming their child in the mid-80s. However, the over-use of the "-aden" was officially consummated in the early 2000s pending the birth of Britney Spear's and Will Smith's kids. Both "Jayden"... I estimate that 98% of the people in this group are under the age of 8 and have 5 or more classmates with rhyming names. 

Last but CERTAINLY not least: 

Dusty, Rusty, Levi, Leroy, Tater, Kenny Group: Men in this group have most certainly at some point resided in a trailer park. They drive a Chevy Z71 that was made between the years of 1991 and 1995 and it is most often silver or red. (paint is chipped of course). It is a requirement that you have AT LEAST 3 tattoos, to be in this group, one or more will have some form of a skull or rose. Men with these names MOST certainly come from 96, SC.

Now.... Am I right, or am I right?

Random Recipe Friday #3

Turkey Taco Casserole

This one's great for keeping the carbs/cals down, and a breeze to make. Freezes great too!

1 lb ground turkey
Tones Taco seasoning to taste (if you can't find tones you can use whatever brand, but Tones is the shit.)
1 chopped green pepper
1/2 chopped onion
1/2 jar salsa (more if you want)
1 can black beans
2% cheese, cheddar or mexi blend

Sautee Turkey, pepper and onion in a pan until turkey is brown. Drain Turkey if nescessary, but most of the time you don't need to. Add taco seasoning, black beans and salsa. Transfer to casserole dish and top with cheese. Bake at 350 for 30 minutes!

If you're not being a "Healthy Holly" this goes great with chips or tortillas, and regular white Mexican cheese. Also, great to serve as a dip. This recipe is a TRUE multi-tasker :)

F You, Friday Night.

This is half humorous and half pathetic, but I’m into bearing my soul lately so sit down, shut up, and here we go.

What do single women do on a Friday night? I’m not in to going to bars by myself, and getting abducted Natalie Holloway style, or rufee’d (unless he’s really hot, in which case I’ll reassess)… Friday is obviously date night. The night where all the people in the world who have significant others get to wind down and watch a movie or go out to eat or release stress or whatever with their sweetie… 99.99999 percent of my friends happen to partake in date night, usually leaving me to take a random road trip to be with family/other single friends or…dreaded option #2, hang out on my couch by myself. Ok so I know this is making me sound totally pathetic, but I SWEARRRR I’m not. I’m totally normal, rather funny and have tons of fun plans and lunches during the week—but somehow Friday nights always leave me metaphorically out in the cold. (or if I’m on my balcony smoking, literally out in the cold.) I KNOW I can’t be the only one this happens to (or at least I HOPE I’m not), so I’ve compiled a list of what actually happens on lonely Friday nights, and some suggestions of what I can do to avoid this scenario in the future.

5:29 pm, leave office and beeline to my car.

5:33, dial up my mom to see what she’s doing.

5:42, promptly tell her I have to go, cause I just rolled up to the liquor store.

5:44, enter Indian liquor store by my office, and pick up my ususal (6 jumbo bottles of red wine, 2 pinot, 2 merlot,2 cab) that should last me through the weekend at least.

5:50, arrive at liquor store checkout and notice that they are now making alchoholic whipped cream.

5:51, impulse buy the alcoholic whipped cream and swear to myself that If I ever get a Friday night date, whatever we do WILL involve said whipped cream.

6:30, arrive home and kick off heels in exchange for flip flops

6:32, immediately go for the kitchen, and open bottle number one.

6:34, glass number 2, bottle 1.

As the night progresses, I follow some similance of the next events (although they aren’t always in this order), shower, don full “single girl” attire (yoga pants/nike shorts and tshirt, no makeup, wet hair) cook dinner, watch jersey shore or American Pickers, paint my toes, drink 6 more glasses of wine, watch dvr of Duke game, speaker phone my dad, try to read my book, realize that I am too drunk to read, turn on nick at nite, watch 2 episodes of the Nanny, pass out.

It’s true, judge me if you must. I know I’m not the only one who does this shit so I’m not gonna feel bad about it. And usually, I rather enjoy my time to myself because I know I’ll miss the QT when I have a boyfriend/husband/children,  but there are some Friday nights that I’d like to break the cat-lady-in-training routine (except for I hate cats, so switch to dogs). So I’ve been pondering what I can do instead. Safety is an issue for a girl by herself in a big city, so this one has proven to be pretty tough. Plus I don’t want to go to the movies by myself, and announce my pathetic status to the whole world, I much prefer being pathetic in the privacy of my own home. Right? So after much thought I’ve come up with the following activities that single people can do on Friday nights.

Go to Target/Mall: This requires that you have some extra cash, but if you do, retail therapy is a great way to spend a Friday night (or any night for that matter). Nothing takes away the sting of lonliness like a new outfit! Plus, there will be Next to no one in the store, so you can shop in peace!

Go to the Gym: This is a great way to hopefully meet other single people who don’t want to do the cat lady thing either, so maybe you’ll make a new bestie. Another perk of this, is that you can wear your single girl attire, minus the wet hair, plus a sports bra.

Take a class: So truthfully, I don’t know if they offer any classes (photography, painting, etc) on Friday nights but if they did that would be a phenom idea.

Brave the Bar: This one just depends on the bar, I’d say. Pick someplace rather upscale… this decreases your chances of getting rufied and maybe you’ll meet some baller status single guy. If there are a shortage of guys, bartenders are always easy to talk to. Make your stay long enough to meet people, but short enough that you don’t look like a bar rat.

So there it is. My assessment of the single Friday night, and ways to break the cycle.  Comments, suggestions, criticisms, suggestions of dog breeds are welcome.

Random Recipe Fridays (a few days late)

Sorry Guys I've totes been busy-- Here's last Friday's recipe:
My single/couple food staple recommendation this week is frozen boneless, skinless chicken breasts. These are so economical and perfect for single portions. I live on these.

Quick/Healthy Italian Chicken

1 egg
flour to coat chicken in
2 chicken breasts
1 can diced italian tomatoes ( i try to get no salt added)
1-2 cut up zuchhini or squash
1/2 packet of Italian seasoning (should be in w/ the chili seasoning, etc)
1/2 cut up onion (opt)
1/4 bar of cream cheese or neufchatel, cut into pieces (opt)


Bread Chicken with egg and then lightly coat in flour ( you can skip the breading if desired, i just like it better), set aside
In pan with olive oil, butter, veg oil (whatever you have) sautee the zucchini and onion until they start to be translucent.
Add chicken and brown a couple of minutes on both sides
Reduce heat to med-lo, add tomatoes (drain about half of the juice), seasoning and cheese.
Let simmer for about 15 minutes.
Serve over Pasta if desired, but it's great on it's own if you're looking to skip the carbs!

If you don't have time do do it in a skillet, you could skip the breading and dump all this in a crock pot and leave on Low 7-8 hrs, or High for 4-5.

This looks, smells and tastes like you've slaved over it.  Don't tell anyone-- Or hey, if you're serving this to company, double the recipe, serve them some wine first and they'll definitely never know you did this in 20 minutes :)  I'd pair this with Pinot Grigio, contrary to my blog title.....

Random Recipe Fridays

I've made a couple of recipes lately (made up in my head, no cookbook allowed) that were so good I had to ask myself, "Self?! Did you really make this?" If Paula Deen and Rachel Ray had a baby, I would have been it...So i thought i'd share. - I'm thinking that I'm going to start a weekly tradition- Random Recipe Fridays, especially geared toward singles, as i'm finding that its a challenge to cook for one (or two) and make the most of the food you buy. So here goes:

CB's Most Excellent Squash Casserole

4 yellow squash, cut up

1 small onion (yellow or sweet, whatever floats your boat)

1/2 can cream of chicken soup

4 oz sour cream

3/4 sleeve of Club Crackers (mine were reduced fat and that was just fine. normally I would use ritz, but club turned out to be excellent.)

4tbsp butter (i used margerine)

sharp cheddar cheese

Sautee squash and onion in butter until soft and translucent. Add cream of chicken soup and sour cream, cheese to taste and club crackers while still in skillet. Transfer to casserole and top with cheese. Bake at 350 for 30 min.

(Ps- this makes a small casserole. i got about 3 servings out of mine. would definitely double for a family or company)

Here's Random recipes #s 2 and 3- This one came about because I am trying to be as economical as possible lately (aka I'm poor). One night I made turkey burgers and had no desire to eat 3 in a row as leftovers, so I froze two of them and prayed for a good idea on how to re-use. It came to me in the form of "oh uhhhh the only things i have at my apartment are pasta, spaghetti and alfredo sauce and two turkey burgers and I don't get paid til Wednesday". And so was born a reallllyyy flavorful, interesting and all around YUMMY version of spaghetti (like I might not ever want to make it any other way than this, not to mention, it cost me zero dollars-- my favorite part) Below is the 2-fer recipe for those of you who need to stretch the paycheck :)

Turkey Burgers

1 lb of ground turkey

teryaki sauce

crushed up ritz crackers, breadcrumbs or whatever you have

1 egg

season salt

garlic powder

Mix all these together, make patties and pan fry, basting with the teryaki. Makes 3 large burgers or 4 small ones. I served with a coleslaw mix tossed with poppyseed dressing. You could put this on the side or on top of the burger. Plus- coleslaw mix keeps fresh forever, and tastes great with different kinds of dressings. Def a good single person buy.
** Note: if you didn't want to make turkey burgers, you could make this mixture into meatballs and add to the spaghetti immediately.**

Ballin on a Budget Turkey Burger Spaghetti

1/2 box of angel hair pasta (or whatever's in your budget pantry at the end of your paycheck)

1/2 can of spaghetti sauce

1/2 can of light alfredo sauce

2 leftover turkey burgers

Combine spaghetti and alfredo sauce and turkey burgers and heat over med-lo, about 15 min. If you froze them-I'd recommend de-frosting in microwave for about 2-3 minutes, after that they should break up pretty easily in the sauce with a spatula. Boil noodles, you know the drill. Top with parm if you have it, but trust me- you totally won't need it.

Enjoy!

I Should Like NASCAR and So Can You...

In my recent pondering of all things southern, my mind drifted to a little sport called NASCAR. (better known in the south as “racin”) Growing up, I was aware that such a sport existed, but never really knew anything about it….- my family was more into the golf/football kinda thing…. In high school I had a brief romance with a young, strapping boy named Dale Earnhardt Jr and went into fake mourning (as did the entire southeast- except I think they were in real mourning) for his Dad when he passed away. After that five minute phase was over, I continued on with my life and never gave “racin” a second thought, until now. How southern could I actually be, I wondered, if I really didn’t know or enjoy NASCAR? Well, I’m not about to let anyone in my way of becoming the perfect Belle. And if it means getting in touch with my Keystone Light drinkin’, redneck side, so be it.

I decided to canvas a couple of my guy friends (avid NASCAR fans and beer drinkers, of course) to find out what the big deal was about some Ford Taurus’s driving around in circles. I wanted to see what it was that they liked about it, and if, in fact, the real sport is anywhere near as entertaining as “Talladega Nights:The Ballad of Ricky Bobby”. It went something like this:

Callie: Will/Josh Can you please explain to me why Nascar is exciting and not stupid? I feel un-Southern for not liking it, but I can’t come up with any reasons why it’s the bomb. Please discuss.

Will: (after quoting the websites from Charlotte, Atlanta, and Talladega motor speedways saying that you may, indeed, bring coolers in with you)” Alcohol, Outdoors, Alcohol, Fast Cars, Alcohol, Military, Alcohol, America. Yeah. Alcohol and America.”

Callie: ok reason #1, Alcohol. Reason #2 America…. #3?

Josh: #3 Jorts in a Field. (see photo) #4 Burnouts

After several more exchanges including alchohol, America, Jorts, Camo and something called “baby bird” which I’ll leave to your imagination for now, Will provided me with a NASCAR for DUMMIES sort of guideline: “

1) pick a driver. Best way to do this is to pick a number, 00-99. I would recommend not basing it off looks, as that is not always the best move (see the hog-huffing Jimmie Johnson). Once you have a number of a driver, make sure he's a top 35 driver, otherwise he may not make it in every race (to do this run it by Yosh and I).

2) Actually watch the race. Every weekend. I promise it's not boring like people think. You just have to kind of pick it up as you go.

3) While watching the race, watch it correctly. No beers that don't come bottled from St. Louis, Missouri. Stick to Natty, Bud Light, or the King of Beers, Bud Heavy Himself. Grilling out also helps.

4) If you can, turn it up, especially when Fox does their "Turn it up" Segments. You'll feel more like you're there. They just stop talking and mic up all the cameras on the track so you hear somewhat what the fans there hear.

5) This is a biggie: Plan a race to go to. Nothing more fun than tailgating ALL day for a night race and then going. You really have to be there to fully experience it.
Do these, and you'll be well on your way. Week by week, you become more invested. It's like any sport, you have to have a reason to follow. Pick a driver, get invested. Just don't pick Jimmie, no one likes a bandwagon fan.”

Ahhh, Step one, Pick a driver. First I picked #4, strikeeee. No one drives a number 4 car. Then I picked Tide, cause I like their detergent and their logo. Strikeeee. I finally settled on Jamie McMurray, after remembering that we had a mutual aquaintance. According to my sources, he was” Very solid last year on restrictor plate tracks. And Ganassi has been getting better and better every year.” I’m not going to lie to ya’ll, I have absolutely NO IDEA what that means. It might as well be German. But my choice was man approved, so Jamie McMurray is officially my guy. I haven’t actually watched a race yet either, but we are planning to go to the one in Atlanta in September, so I feel that I should be adequately versed on racin and rednecks by then.

I’ll leave you with a few pictures of what you should anticipate from my NASCAR Updates.

Below: I'm told that The guy in the whiteT/camo hat eventually fell forward, putting out the Tiki torch with his eye - he regained vision the next day.

And Finally, I'll leave you with "Baby Bird"

Shoutout and Thanks to my NASCAR Gurus Will Farlow and Josh Shuford for providing helpful info and hilarious pictures.

Stay Tuned....

A Little Bit Stronger

So in light of my recent journey to… uhh… well, wherever it is I’m supposed to be, I’ve been getting a lot stronger. I’ve been paying attention to my body, my mind and my spirituality. I’ve decided instead of focusing on what I wish things were, I will focus on what they ARE, and go from there. I will be thankful for what I have, not mourn for that which I don’t have. I’ve decided being unhappy is like disrespecting the things and people that I have been so blessed with. So I’ve been taking time to really, consciously, effectively change my negative thought patterns—which in all honesty have probably just become habit. I’m so used to thinking that I’m miserable because I don’t have a husband and babies that I continuously think that, all day, every day. I mean truly, if I’m being honest with ya’ll and with myself I would say that at least a solid 3 hours (sometimes more) of every day my mind thinks of how much I want a family. How pathetic I am cause I don’t have one. How my life doesn’t really matter because I have no people to which it’s tied to. No purpose. No one needs me. (Lock it up, Callie, before someone calls the WAAAAAAMMMMbulance.)

The fact is, I can’t do shit about not having a husband and babies. The only options available to me to remedy this problem are to:

1. One, Look like Angelina Jolie
2. Two, Get artificially inseminated. (and really, this only remedies the baby problem…and creates more problems)
3. Three, Turn it over to God.

I can’t afford number two- like… at all. , And in the spirit of honesty, number one will happen when pigs fly out of my ass. So that left me with 3.

Once I realized this, I have been praying like it is my Job (which I guess in a way it is..) trying, not only to TALK to God but to also LISTEN. To be quiet and still. To be faithful, trusting and grateful. It’s only logical that if I flood my thoughts with thankfulness and trust, that the negative thoughts will inevitably be pushed out. I pray not just for me, but for others- for their needs, and strength and happiness. So, God has given me the grace to focus on what is good. To be patient with people and patient for His plan for me to come together in His perfect timing. He comes to me in my dreams and strengthens me during the day. I realize I probably sound like the biggest Holy Roller you’ve ever met right now, but I don’t EVEN care. Once I opened my heart to this open conversation, all the time, free for all prayer, things have been coming together. I prayed that I would start to feel genuinely happy for people when good things happen to them. And the next day, I was tested and I didn’t feel sad. I prayed that I would have the mental strength to work out, and I have been to the gym 6 out of the last 7 days. (and I just went to the gym cause I WANTED TO! – and those of you who know me, you know this MUST be some kind of divine intervention…)

So with this new found strength I’ve decided to make a list of things I will accomplish that DO NOT involve marriage and babies (don’t get me wrong I still want these so stinkin bad I can taste it, but if now is not the time, that’s fine and I will be promptly moving on and letting God run that part of my life.)

1. Go to the Gym indefinitely until I look like somewhere in between Brunette Barbie and Bristol Palin. I want to, in essence, make this my hobby.
2. Continue Prayer- focusing on Trust, patience (in people and in God) and happiness for others.
3. Volunteer at SOMETHING. I don’t know what, but it’s on my agenda.
4. HAVE FUN! Stop being so responsible and enjoy the things that I won’t be able to do when God decides to bless me with a family. This means: not saying no to parties I’m invited to, picking up and going somewhere on the weekends and not making up reasons why it would be better for me to just stay put. Being spontaneous, trying new things.
5. Hopefully have finished the bible in 1 year/or a year and a half. Somewhere in that time frame.
6. STOP SAYING “I CAN’T”. (whenever possible)

So there it is, my new revised list of goals MINUS marriage and babies. Updates to come…. I’m going to close with the serenity prayer (which, NO I am not in AA, although, I think maybe by the American Heart Assc. Standards, I might actually be an alcoholic… but anyway that’s beside the point. MOVING ONNNN….) I just love this prayer and think it is applicable to every aspect of life and encompasses the long and short of everything I want for my life.

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Hollywood is Crazier Than I Remembered....

In my attempt to cure my writers block, I was perusing several websites trying to find something outrageous to share my insights on. I was debating on blogging on Georgia’s law to CASTRATE (yep- you heard that right) Sex offenders and that just seemed more bizarre than I originally thought—if you can imagine that—and I know ya’ll are probably tired of reading my “self-discovery” blogs- and after 4 of them in a row, I’m beginning to feel self-righteous and emo, so obviously anything heavy was out of the question. I rolled on over to one of my favorite websites, perezhilton.com to see if I couldn’t find some ridiculous celebrity to make witty, slightly mean comments about. I’ve been out of touch with my celebs lately, and apparently in my brief sabbatical, these stars have been going CRAY CRAY. Several Stories seemed comment worthy, so I’m just going to do a run-down (you can find all of these stories in detail on perezhilton.com)

Justin Beiber goes shirtless.—Can I just please express how ANNOYING I think Justin Beiber is?! Yeah, yeah he’s a child prodigy yadda yadda. I don’t care. He is a white 12-year old wigger who is best friends with 30something-year-old USHER. Does NO ONE ELSE think this is WEIRD????? I mean I know he’s a very talented lyricist, as evidenced by his song “Baby”, but I’m just unclear on the circumstances under which it is appropriate for a 30 year old and a 15 year old to be besties. (Does Michael Jackson and McCauly Culkin ring a bell???) I’m just sayin. Plus I have NO desire to see his shirtless body. That shit is just CREEPY.

Charlie Sheen Critiques Porn and does Coke.—wait, this is news?? Isn’t this like the 15^th time he’s had this run-in?Such a shame that such a handsome guy ended up like this. Meanwhile, he’s going to the hospital or something and leaving in what I can only assume are leftover props from “Fear and Loathing”…. Not a good luck for the Chuck-ster.

Will and Jada exploit their kids. – Um, YEAHHH. I was fine with the little boys film career, he seems like a good actor and all that. But when I saw “whip my hair” or whatever that dumbshit song is called, I can officially say, I believe the kid-pimping has begun. I mean WHY, EVER would it be acceptable to put acrylic, airbrushed nails and a neon pink weave on an ELEVEN YEAR OLD??? She and Justin Beiber should go back to the swingset where they belong. Let them be kids…..

Khloe Kardashian has red hair now. – I LOVE LOVE LOVE Miss Khloe and think she is hilarious and beautiful, but I’m not love love loving her new red hair. I mean no one from Armenian descent has any color hair other than black or dark brown. So- Yeahhh……

If Ya Don't Know, Now Ya Know.

I’m having writers block so I decided to compile a list of random things about me and just write and see if that doesn’t help. So, as Biggie would say “if ya don’t know, now ya know.”

I never ate ham until this year. I think Chia Pets are the dumbest things to ever exist. I think most women look stupid in Bermuda shorts. I happen to find Red-headed men very attractive. I will only drink Coors or Keystone Light. I could eat pizza all day, every day, for the rest of my life. I could also eat Mexican food like this too. I used to drink tequila and diet lemonade as my drink of choice freshman year of college. I started smoking so I wouldn’t eat. (boy did that backfire.) the most attractive things on a man to me are nice shoulders and good teeth. My freshman year in college I used to smoke a LOT of weed, I never do it now. I drink diet coke all the time, but I really hate the taste of it. As far as I’m concerned, my Dad makes the best sweet tea in the entire universe. I can knit and needlepoint- I’m rather good, but I don’t enjoy it. Almost everything I own is black, or dark colored-- Light colored shirts make me hella nervous. I have the best friends a girl could ask for, literally. I talk to my mom on the phone at least twice a day. I know EVERY song- no for real, EVERY song—Try and stump me, I dare you. I can sing well and can make my voice sound scarily like Jennifer Nettles if I try. I took voice lessons from the time I was 10 to the time I was 18- I was trained in Italian and Latin. I read the Bible for 30 minutes most every night. I love Red wine and don’t think drinking is a sin, unless you are out of your realm of self control. My biggest fear is that I will never be a mother. I think loneliness will kill me before I reach the age of 30. I wish I had the balls to move to an island somewhere and just exist and enjoy life the way it was meant to be enjoyed. I am wholly in love with someone who is getting married and not telling him how I felt when we were single was probably the biggest mistake of my life. I secretly love skorts and think they are so comfortable. I used to be pretty decent at golf, now I suck-- The only time I ever play is with my dad on father’s day. I write songs all the time, but I don’t have a piano to play them on- so for now they’re just lyrics. I have a VERY REAL sixth sense and dream things ALL THE TIME that actually come true. I think I’m psychic, to be honest. I love doing things for other people and love to feel needed. I’m going to Asheville this weekend and 5:30 on Friday can’t come fast enough! If they didn’t make Marlboro Menthol Lights, I wouldn’t smoke. I want a dog so effing bad I cannot stand myself. This is horrible and judgmental, but I really really dislike Northerners as a whole. I think the south could make a much better version of the Jersey Shore, but we’re too classy to be public about it. Cheating makes me sick to my stomach. In high school, I was NOT the cool kid. I was B-list. As of yesterday, I’m in a Bocce Ball league and I have NO idea how to play. One thing I want to do so badly is find out how to make biscuits for my dad, like his mom used to make them. My mom is my best friend in the whole wide world. I really want an expensive camera, so i can take artsy, stunning photos and make my life look awesome/interesting via facebook. I could recite every line to “Steel Magnolias” on demand and do quote it on a regular basis. Most people look at me like I’m crazy—maybe I am…. It means the world to me that anyone reads this blog and I'm really grateful to have people that think I'm funny/interesting :)

Southern Sunday Recipe 1, Chicken and Dressing with Homemade Gravy

Happy Monday Ya'll! If you've been keeping up with my blog like you keep up with the Kardashians, you know that I've been trying to bring back Southern Sundays, cooking and sharing it with the peeps I love. I'm appointing myself as a combo between Sandra whatever-her-name-is, from Semi-Homemade and Paula Deen. I'm trying to combine the best of southern cooking while still making time for family, friends and relaxation... Sunday #1= success. On the menu, Chicken and Cornbread Dressing with Homemade Gravy. Here's How I did it:

Chicken:

2-4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts

1 can Heinz Original Chicken Gravy

1/2 can chicken broth

Put this in the crock pot (I even put my chicken in frozen!) and cook on high for 3-5 hours.

Dressing:

1 8 0z pkg Pepperidge Farm Cornbread Dressing (if you're cooking for a family, i'd use 1 and 1/2 or 2 pkg)

1/2 c onion

1/2 c celery

2-3 chopped hard boiled eggs

Make dressing according to pkg, mix in the eggs and put in casserole and bake for 30-35 min.

Gravy: (this is as precise as i can get it, although i wasn't measuring ANYTHING.... and I was just doing trial and error, but it came out great!)

4T. Butter

1/2 (???) flour

1/4 c onion

all the juices from the crock pot

pepper to taste

Make a roux with the butter and flour and onion and slowly stir in the juices from the crock pot (I put mine in a measuring cup) If it's too thick, add some water. Add pepper to taste.

Serve Chicken, Dressing together and top with gravy.

The Old South and the New Me

So ya'll should know that I have an OBSESSION with William Faulkner... He's one of the greatest Southern writers of all time and I've done tons of research papers on him throughout my years in school. A consistent theme in the Mississippi native's writing was the Old South (pre civil war) versus the New South (post war). In this time there were many many changes, and the New South presented stronger characters for women, more irreverence for men and forward thinking for all. The new generation balked the ideals of their parents, and did what they wanted. In the post-civil war time, this often meant standing up for what they believed and not being so "demure", especially for women.

I absolutely HAVE to say that I wouldn't trade my Southern upbringing for ANY, and I do mean ANY, amount of money in this world. It makes me who I am. My manners, my kindness, hospitality, the love sweet tea, yes ma'ams, and southern cuisine (basically anything fried and with cheese) all comes from where I was raised. It's an attitude, a lifestyle, and an art.

As I was watching an Atlanta public access cable show (caught me-- it was a snow day and there was nothing on.) a group of women were talking about the importance of the Sunday Dinner (for those of you who don't know, this is around 2:00 pm) and how it had lost some of it's reverence in today's time, with busy lifestyles, schedules, and plans-- I started to think about Faulkner and his Old South/New South themes and the increasingly brazen role of women, not only in writing, but in real life as well....

The Old South, to me, is a woman, circa 1960, a stay-at-home mom in an apron, raising babies and drinking mint juleps. Pleasing their husbands, while quietly (or sometimes not so quietly :)) being the backbone of the family. A steel magnolia who knows who she is and what she stands for. It comes across in quiet confidence, a smile that could melt anyone, true kindness, and of course, a killer Sunday Dinner.

The New South, is beautiful, young (or at least young looking)Southern Belles, wearing sundresses and huge sunglasses, drinking bourbon and diet coke and singing at the top of their lungs to a country song. They make men fall at their feet, all while acting like they don't give a shit about said men. They're quick to give a hug and a kiss, but also quick to call you out for being an asshole. Instead of a killer Sunday dinner, they order take-out to save time for their afternoon jog. The women of my New South feel that they are entitled to express whatever feelings and emotions they so choose, and will do so, regardless of what anyone else thinks.


I aspire to be a woman who embodies the best of the Old and New South. I want to make a Sunday Dinner that makes you want to lay on the couch for the rest of the day, fat and happy. I aspire to have a balance of caring about myself and caring about others. I aspire to be the strong yet graceful backbone of a marriage and family when God decides that it's the right time for me to have those. So, in my quest to be the perfect Southern woman, I am going to start making Dinner after Church on Sundays. I want to perfect the art of biscuits and frying shit. I want to bring back the reverence of Sundays. I want my friends and family to look back and remember good times that revolve around food (and bourbon lol) and always remember Sundays at my house.

There's no better time to be who you want to be than the present. So, I'm going to cook fried chicken and mac and cheese this Sunday and post the recipes along with an update on my quest to be perfectly Southern.

Ya'll come back now, ya hear? :)

ADDENDUM: I couldn't cook Sunday Dinner, cause I went to a funeral in South Carolina. I did However, make mac and cheese for me, my roommate and some handsome guests on Friday night. Here's the recipe, loosely adapted from The Lady and Sons....

The Best Mac and Cheese You've Ever Had
Ingredients
4 1/2cups cooked elbow macaroni, drained (about a half box)
2 cups grated cheddar cheese
3 eggs, beaten
1/2 cup sour cream
4 tablespoons butter, melted
1/2 teaspoon salt
Pepper to taste- (I like lots)
1 tsp mustard powder
Minced onion to taste (I used about a 1/2 tsp)
1 cup milk

Directions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

Once you have the macaroni cooked and drained, place in a large bowl and while still hot and add the cheddar. In a separate bowl, combine the remaining ingredients and add to the macaroni mixture. Pour macaroni mixture into a casserole dish and top with additional cheese. Bake for 30 to 45 minutes, until cheese is melted and bubbly.

One of my guests told me "it was the best mac and cheese he'd ever had". (hence the title) I'm not sure if it was true, but it was a good answer. hahahaa.

Enjoy!