Create your own FACEinHOLE
Friday, April 29, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
What Not to Wear: Jeans Edition
This pheomenal idea came about as two of my good friends, Jennings and Anne-Miller, were doing the obligatory "pre-moving day closet clean out". Although I was not there to witness such hilarity, I'm told that these two did a "jeans over the years" fashion show to liven the mood of packing. After this, they've elected me to share commentary on the jeans we have, the jeans we wear, the jeans that we should NEVER wear, and the jeans that should just be removed from the world as a whole.
Here goes:
1. The jeans that make your hips look like a cupcake. Vanilla, with sprinkles. Don't wear them. Muffin tops are NEVER acceptable. These are mostly found on college girls who spent their money on beer instead of new jeans.
2. The high waters: (appropriate only in tsunami scenarios). As a tall person myself, I encounter high waters on the reg when searching for the perfect jeans. It's totally my pet peeve. High waters make you look short and stubby, and lets be honest, NO ONE wants to look like that anymore than they have to. Please note, if you are over 5'7. They make jeans for you. They are called TALL. Get the memo. (Side note, this is not applicable to Japanese people at this current juncture. But they're short anyway, so whatever. Their high waters would be like a Girls Size 6X.)
3. The jeans that are so frayed at the bottom that they get caught on your high heels but they make your butt look great so you won’t retire them. (not a problem for us tall girls, but most def for shorties). Although i haven't personally ever had this issue, here's my take: retire them to bum/grocery store/painting jeans, patch, or hem them into capris. OR continue to wear and tell me to go fuck myself. Either way....
4. The Gut Busters (fit great everywhere else, but the waist is just a tinch too small)- these tend to be high waisted- perhaps mom jeans, but you got them at the fashion shack for 3 bucks so you figured what the hell. They cut right on your belly button and have a humongous gap in the back.
5. Holy Jeans (and no these are not blessed, organic or kosher.) These are the jeans that you got at Abercrombie, when Abercrombie was cool, for 95 bucks and they were ripped all to hell. These are one: immature, two: ugly, three: make you look like you don't give a crap about your appearance, and four: aren't you cold? oh no, you're cold AND stupid because you paid 95 bucks for half a piece of material.
6. The Senior Year Jeans: And i know every single one of you girls is guilty of this, including me. These are the designer jeans that you bought your summer after graduating high school (usually citizens, seven, true religion) and you thought you would be so cool at all the fraternity parties in these jeans and they made your butt look amazing and sucked in your thighs and you paid a small fortune for them because all the cool, rich girls will have them at college. And then..... you gained too much weight in the first semester of college to wear them more than twice. Oops. You kept them, because they were expensive and magical and whatever and they are STILL sitting in the back of your closet.
7. Button Fly Jeans: Now, ya'll, I'm not gonna lie to ya, I had a pair of these from Old Navy that were some of my favorite jeans ever, but after you become sexually active, these are just inconvenient. Ladies, don't do you man like this. They have enough trouble dealing with your bra.
8. The Low Riders: Think Britney in Slave4U.... Normal people can't pull these off. IF you are normal sized, people can see your crack. If you have a rockin bod, you still look slutty in jeans that have a zipper that is 1 inch long or less. You aren't Britney, bitch.
9. The Improperly Distressed Jeans: These are the ones that are supposed to look cute and hippie sheik and worn in, but instead, some cheap ass factory messed them up and now they have a bunch of awkward horizontal lines on your thighs that point like arrows at your cootie. NO. Just don't.
Please feel free to post pictures, new examples, or share your very own jean stories in the comments section.
DISCLAIMER ** the tsunami thing was totally a joke. That's horrible what happened to Japan and they are in my prayers-- but be honest, those Japs do probably wear a 6X.....**
Here goes:
1. The jeans that make your hips look like a cupcake. Vanilla, with sprinkles. Don't wear them. Muffin tops are NEVER acceptable. These are mostly found on college girls who spent their money on beer instead of new jeans.
2. The high waters: (appropriate only in tsunami scenarios). As a tall person myself, I encounter high waters on the reg when searching for the perfect jeans. It's totally my pet peeve. High waters make you look short and stubby, and lets be honest, NO ONE wants to look like that anymore than they have to. Please note, if you are over 5'7. They make jeans for you. They are called TALL. Get the memo. (Side note, this is not applicable to Japanese people at this current juncture. But they're short anyway, so whatever. Their high waters would be like a Girls Size 6X.)
3. The jeans that are so frayed at the bottom that they get caught on your high heels but they make your butt look great so you won’t retire them. (not a problem for us tall girls, but most def for shorties). Although i haven't personally ever had this issue, here's my take: retire them to bum/grocery store/painting jeans, patch, or hem them into capris. OR continue to wear and tell me to go fuck myself. Either way....
4. The Gut Busters (fit great everywhere else, but the waist is just a tinch too small)- these tend to be high waisted- perhaps mom jeans, but you got them at the fashion shack for 3 bucks so you figured what the hell. They cut right on your belly button and have a humongous gap in the back.
5. Holy Jeans (and no these are not blessed, organic or kosher.) These are the jeans that you got at Abercrombie, when Abercrombie was cool, for 95 bucks and they were ripped all to hell. These are one: immature, two: ugly, three: make you look like you don't give a crap about your appearance, and four: aren't you cold? oh no, you're cold AND stupid because you paid 95 bucks for half a piece of material.
6. The Senior Year Jeans: And i know every single one of you girls is guilty of this, including me. These are the designer jeans that you bought your summer after graduating high school (usually citizens, seven, true religion) and you thought you would be so cool at all the fraternity parties in these jeans and they made your butt look amazing and sucked in your thighs and you paid a small fortune for them because all the cool, rich girls will have them at college. And then..... you gained too much weight in the first semester of college to wear them more than twice. Oops. You kept them, because they were expensive and magical and whatever and they are STILL sitting in the back of your closet.
7. Button Fly Jeans: Now, ya'll, I'm not gonna lie to ya, I had a pair of these from Old Navy that were some of my favorite jeans ever, but after you become sexually active, these are just inconvenient. Ladies, don't do you man like this. They have enough trouble dealing with your bra.
8. The Low Riders: Think Britney in Slave4U.... Normal people can't pull these off. IF you are normal sized, people can see your crack. If you have a rockin bod, you still look slutty in jeans that have a zipper that is 1 inch long or less. You aren't Britney, bitch.
9. The Improperly Distressed Jeans: These are the ones that are supposed to look cute and hippie sheik and worn in, but instead, some cheap ass factory messed them up and now they have a bunch of awkward horizontal lines on your thighs that point like arrows at your cootie. NO. Just don't.
Please feel free to post pictures, new examples, or share your very own jean stories in the comments section.
DISCLAIMER ** the tsunami thing was totally a joke. That's horrible what happened to Japan and they are in my prayers-- but be honest, those Japs do probably wear a 6X.....**
·
Friday, April 8, 2011
Random Recipe Friday #4
So I'm definitely not a huge meatloaf lover, but this caught my eye on a recipe site and turned out to be DELICIOUS. Definitely worth a try, even if you're not generally a meatloaf fan. Excellent with mashed potatoes or as a sandwich.
Turkey Meatloaf
1 lb turkey
¼ c milk
½ cup Italian breadcrumbs
2 eggs
Salt and pepper to taste (I didn’t need any, but add if you want)
1-2 tsp minced onions
1-2 tsp minced garlic
Sharp Cheddar cheese (a handful. Maybe ½ cup? I didn’t measure)
2-3 tablespoons Honey BBQ sauce (didn’t measure this either)
Mix all these together and put in a GREASED loaf pan. Top with ketchup. Bake at 375 for 45 min-1 hr.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
You Know You're Mid20s When....
Thanks to Katie Corsetti and all my rockin facebook friends that helped with this! :)
Without further adieu, here's the list:
1. Social Activities are Photography classes, not mixers.
2. You get excited about $2 well drinks. You get more excited that it will cost you less money, not ONLY because they are $2 but because you can only drink 4, instead of 8- like college.
3. You have a hobby that does not include drinking.
4. You are on some sort of intramurals sports team for people that have graduated college.
5. You would love to have kids one day, but you would be scared shitless if that day was tomorrow.
6. You have completed 2 or more DIY home-improvement projects.
7. You have to call in sick on a Monday because you drank a handle of Jager on Sunday.You went to work on Tuesday and you didn't feel better until Wednesday.
8.You get excited when they card you for cigarettes or alcohol.
9. You have 3 or more wedding invitations on your fridge.
10. You say something and then immediately after say "oh my God that just sounded like my Mother/Father."
11. You think 21 year olds look more like high schoolers.
12. You read for pleasure.
13. You wake up in your own bed more often than not.
14. Your bank account now has more allocations than "beer" and "food".
15. You do laundry once a week, or own "Dry Clean Only" clothing items.
16.You're tired by the end of "Dancing with the Stars".
17. You actually watch "Dancing with the Stars".
18. When you get pumped that you secretly squeezed one more 2 year cell phone contract out of your Dad.
19. You have crows feet and gray hair that you SWEAR weren't there 2 days ago...
20. When you see your college friends once a year, instead of once a day.
21. You can't skip work on a rainy day and get the notes from someone else.
22. If you're not making wedding plans, you're the odd man out.
23. Its no longer acceptable to wear sweatpants in public for more than 2 hours.
24. You get super stoked about Casual Friday.
25.You have more silverware/cooking related items in your kitchen than plastic cups and beer mugs.
26. Your "night out" starts at 7:30 pm, not 11pm.
27. All it would take to make you happy on any given day is a facewash headband and 3 glasses of red wine.
28. The last top 40 song you heard was "Bedrock".
29. When Happy Hour is the Best Hour.
30. And Finally, You know you're in your mid20s when.... 30 doesn't seem old.
Without further adieu, here's the list:
1. Social Activities are Photography classes, not mixers.
2. You get excited about $2 well drinks. You get more excited that it will cost you less money, not ONLY because they are $2 but because you can only drink 4, instead of 8- like college.
3. You have a hobby that does not include drinking.
4. You are on some sort of intramurals sports team for people that have graduated college.
5. You would love to have kids one day, but you would be scared shitless if that day was tomorrow.
6. You have completed 2 or more DIY home-improvement projects.
7. You have to call in sick on a Monday because you drank a handle of Jager on Sunday.You went to work on Tuesday and you didn't feel better until Wednesday.
8.You get excited when they card you for cigarettes or alcohol.
9. You have 3 or more wedding invitations on your fridge.
10. You say something and then immediately after say "oh my God that just sounded like my Mother/Father."
11. You think 21 year olds look more like high schoolers.
12. You read for pleasure.
13. You wake up in your own bed more often than not.
14. Your bank account now has more allocations than "beer" and "food".
15. You do laundry once a week, or own "Dry Clean Only" clothing items.
16.You're tired by the end of "Dancing with the Stars".
17. You actually watch "Dancing with the Stars".
18. When you get pumped that you secretly squeezed one more 2 year cell phone contract out of your Dad.
19. You have crows feet and gray hair that you SWEAR weren't there 2 days ago...
20. When you see your college friends once a year, instead of once a day.
21. You can't skip work on a rainy day and get the notes from someone else.
22. If you're not making wedding plans, you're the odd man out.
23. Its no longer acceptable to wear sweatpants in public for more than 2 hours.
24. You get super stoked about Casual Friday.
25.You have more silverware/cooking related items in your kitchen than plastic cups and beer mugs.
26. Your "night out" starts at 7:30 pm, not 11pm.
27. All it would take to make you happy on any given day is a facewash headband and 3 glasses of red wine.
28. The last top 40 song you heard was "Bedrock".
29. When Happy Hour is the Best Hour.
30. And Finally, You know you're in your mid20s when.... 30 doesn't seem old.
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