Hollywood is Crazier Than I Remembered....

In my attempt to cure my writers block, I was perusing several websites trying to find something outrageous to share my insights on. I was debating on blogging on Georgia’s law to CASTRATE (yep- you heard that right) Sex offenders and that just seemed more bizarre than I originally thought—if you can imagine that—and I know ya’ll are probably tired of reading my “self-discovery” blogs- and after 4 of them in a row, I’m beginning to feel self-righteous and emo, so obviously anything heavy was out of the question. I rolled on over to one of my favorite websites, perezhilton.com to see if I couldn’t find some ridiculous celebrity to make witty, slightly mean comments about. I’ve been out of touch with my celebs lately, and apparently in my brief sabbatical, these stars have been going CRAY CRAY. Several Stories seemed comment worthy, so I’m just going to do a run-down (you can find all of these stories in detail on perezhilton.com)

Justin Beiber goes shirtless.—Can I just please express how ANNOYING I think Justin Beiber is?! Yeah, yeah he’s a child prodigy yadda yadda. I don’t care. He is a white 12-year old wigger who is best friends with 30something-year-old USHER. Does NO ONE ELSE think this is WEIRD????? I mean I know he’s a very talented lyricist, as evidenced by his song “Baby”, but I’m just unclear on the circumstances under which it is appropriate for a 30 year old and a 15 year old to be besties. (Does Michael Jackson and McCauly Culkin ring a bell???) I’m just sayin. Plus I have NO desire to see his shirtless body. That shit is just CREEPY.

Charlie Sheen Critiques Porn and does Coke.—wait, this is news?? Isn’t this like the 15^th time he’s had this run-in?Such a shame that such a handsome guy ended up like this. Meanwhile, he’s going to the hospital or something and leaving in what I can only assume are leftover props from “Fear and Loathing”…. Not a good luck for the Chuck-ster.

Will and Jada exploit their kids. – Um, YEAHHH. I was fine with the little boys film career, he seems like a good actor and all that. But when I saw “whip my hair” or whatever that dumbshit song is called, I can officially say, I believe the kid-pimping has begun. I mean WHY, EVER would it be acceptable to put acrylic, airbrushed nails and a neon pink weave on an ELEVEN YEAR OLD??? She and Justin Beiber should go back to the swingset where they belong. Let them be kids…..

Khloe Kardashian has red hair now. – I LOVE LOVE LOVE Miss Khloe and think she is hilarious and beautiful, but I’m not love love loving her new red hair. I mean no one from Armenian descent has any color hair other than black or dark brown. So- Yeahhh……

If Ya Don't Know, Now Ya Know.

I’m having writers block so I decided to compile a list of random things about me and just write and see if that doesn’t help. So, as Biggie would say “if ya don’t know, now ya know.”

I never ate ham until this year. I think Chia Pets are the dumbest things to ever exist. I think most women look stupid in Bermuda shorts. I happen to find Red-headed men very attractive. I will only drink Coors or Keystone Light. I could eat pizza all day, every day, for the rest of my life. I could also eat Mexican food like this too. I used to drink tequila and diet lemonade as my drink of choice freshman year of college. I started smoking so I wouldn’t eat. (boy did that backfire.) the most attractive things on a man to me are nice shoulders and good teeth. My freshman year in college I used to smoke a LOT of weed, I never do it now. I drink diet coke all the time, but I really hate the taste of it. As far as I’m concerned, my Dad makes the best sweet tea in the entire universe. I can knit and needlepoint- I’m rather good, but I don’t enjoy it. Almost everything I own is black, or dark colored-- Light colored shirts make me hella nervous. I have the best friends a girl could ask for, literally. I talk to my mom on the phone at least twice a day. I know EVERY song- no for real, EVERY song—Try and stump me, I dare you. I can sing well and can make my voice sound scarily like Jennifer Nettles if I try. I took voice lessons from the time I was 10 to the time I was 18- I was trained in Italian and Latin. I read the Bible for 30 minutes most every night. I love Red wine and don’t think drinking is a sin, unless you are out of your realm of self control. My biggest fear is that I will never be a mother. I think loneliness will kill me before I reach the age of 30. I wish I had the balls to move to an island somewhere and just exist and enjoy life the way it was meant to be enjoyed. I am wholly in love with someone who is getting married and not telling him how I felt when we were single was probably the biggest mistake of my life. I secretly love skorts and think they are so comfortable. I used to be pretty decent at golf, now I suck-- The only time I ever play is with my dad on father’s day. I write songs all the time, but I don’t have a piano to play them on- so for now they’re just lyrics. I have a VERY REAL sixth sense and dream things ALL THE TIME that actually come true. I think I’m psychic, to be honest. I love doing things for other people and love to feel needed. I’m going to Asheville this weekend and 5:30 on Friday can’t come fast enough! If they didn’t make Marlboro Menthol Lights, I wouldn’t smoke. I want a dog so effing bad I cannot stand myself. This is horrible and judgmental, but I really really dislike Northerners as a whole. I think the south could make a much better version of the Jersey Shore, but we’re too classy to be public about it. Cheating makes me sick to my stomach. In high school, I was NOT the cool kid. I was B-list. As of yesterday, I’m in a Bocce Ball league and I have NO idea how to play. One thing I want to do so badly is find out how to make biscuits for my dad, like his mom used to make them. My mom is my best friend in the whole wide world. I really want an expensive camera, so i can take artsy, stunning photos and make my life look awesome/interesting via facebook. I could recite every line to “Steel Magnolias” on demand and do quote it on a regular basis. Most people look at me like I’m crazy—maybe I am…. It means the world to me that anyone reads this blog and I'm really grateful to have people that think I'm funny/interesting :)

Southern Sunday Recipe 1, Chicken and Dressing with Homemade Gravy

Happy Monday Ya'll! If you've been keeping up with my blog like you keep up with the Kardashians, you know that I've been trying to bring back Southern Sundays, cooking and sharing it with the peeps I love. I'm appointing myself as a combo between Sandra whatever-her-name-is, from Semi-Homemade and Paula Deen. I'm trying to combine the best of southern cooking while still making time for family, friends and relaxation... Sunday #1= success. On the menu, Chicken and Cornbread Dressing with Homemade Gravy. Here's How I did it:

Chicken:

2-4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts

1 can Heinz Original Chicken Gravy

1/2 can chicken broth

Put this in the crock pot (I even put my chicken in frozen!) and cook on high for 3-5 hours.

Dressing:

1 8 0z pkg Pepperidge Farm Cornbread Dressing (if you're cooking for a family, i'd use 1 and 1/2 or 2 pkg)

1/2 c onion

1/2 c celery

2-3 chopped hard boiled eggs

Make dressing according to pkg, mix in the eggs and put in casserole and bake for 30-35 min.

Gravy: (this is as precise as i can get it, although i wasn't measuring ANYTHING.... and I was just doing trial and error, but it came out great!)

4T. Butter

1/2 (???) flour

1/4 c onion

all the juices from the crock pot

pepper to taste

Make a roux with the butter and flour and onion and slowly stir in the juices from the crock pot (I put mine in a measuring cup) If it's too thick, add some water. Add pepper to taste.

Serve Chicken, Dressing together and top with gravy.

The Old South and the New Me

So ya'll should know that I have an OBSESSION with William Faulkner... He's one of the greatest Southern writers of all time and I've done tons of research papers on him throughout my years in school. A consistent theme in the Mississippi native's writing was the Old South (pre civil war) versus the New South (post war). In this time there were many many changes, and the New South presented stronger characters for women, more irreverence for men and forward thinking for all. The new generation balked the ideals of their parents, and did what they wanted. In the post-civil war time, this often meant standing up for what they believed and not being so "demure", especially for women.

I absolutely HAVE to say that I wouldn't trade my Southern upbringing for ANY, and I do mean ANY, amount of money in this world. It makes me who I am. My manners, my kindness, hospitality, the love sweet tea, yes ma'ams, and southern cuisine (basically anything fried and with cheese) all comes from where I was raised. It's an attitude, a lifestyle, and an art.

As I was watching an Atlanta public access cable show (caught me-- it was a snow day and there was nothing on.) a group of women were talking about the importance of the Sunday Dinner (for those of you who don't know, this is around 2:00 pm) and how it had lost some of it's reverence in today's time, with busy lifestyles, schedules, and plans-- I started to think about Faulkner and his Old South/New South themes and the increasingly brazen role of women, not only in writing, but in real life as well....

The Old South, to me, is a woman, circa 1960, a stay-at-home mom in an apron, raising babies and drinking mint juleps. Pleasing their husbands, while quietly (or sometimes not so quietly :)) being the backbone of the family. A steel magnolia who knows who she is and what she stands for. It comes across in quiet confidence, a smile that could melt anyone, true kindness, and of course, a killer Sunday Dinner.

The New South, is beautiful, young (or at least young looking)Southern Belles, wearing sundresses and huge sunglasses, drinking bourbon and diet coke and singing at the top of their lungs to a country song. They make men fall at their feet, all while acting like they don't give a shit about said men. They're quick to give a hug and a kiss, but also quick to call you out for being an asshole. Instead of a killer Sunday dinner, they order take-out to save time for their afternoon jog. The women of my New South feel that they are entitled to express whatever feelings and emotions they so choose, and will do so, regardless of what anyone else thinks.


I aspire to be a woman who embodies the best of the Old and New South. I want to make a Sunday Dinner that makes you want to lay on the couch for the rest of the day, fat and happy. I aspire to have a balance of caring about myself and caring about others. I aspire to be the strong yet graceful backbone of a marriage and family when God decides that it's the right time for me to have those. So, in my quest to be the perfect Southern woman, I am going to start making Dinner after Church on Sundays. I want to perfect the art of biscuits and frying shit. I want to bring back the reverence of Sundays. I want my friends and family to look back and remember good times that revolve around food (and bourbon lol) and always remember Sundays at my house.

There's no better time to be who you want to be than the present. So, I'm going to cook fried chicken and mac and cheese this Sunday and post the recipes along with an update on my quest to be perfectly Southern.

Ya'll come back now, ya hear? :)

ADDENDUM: I couldn't cook Sunday Dinner, cause I went to a funeral in South Carolina. I did However, make mac and cheese for me, my roommate and some handsome guests on Friday night. Here's the recipe, loosely adapted from The Lady and Sons....

The Best Mac and Cheese You've Ever Had
Ingredients
4 1/2cups cooked elbow macaroni, drained (about a half box)
2 cups grated cheddar cheese
3 eggs, beaten
1/2 cup sour cream
4 tablespoons butter, melted
1/2 teaspoon salt
Pepper to taste- (I like lots)
1 tsp mustard powder
Minced onion to taste (I used about a 1/2 tsp)
1 cup milk

Directions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

Once you have the macaroni cooked and drained, place in a large bowl and while still hot and add the cheddar. In a separate bowl, combine the remaining ingredients and add to the macaroni mixture. Pour macaroni mixture into a casserole dish and top with additional cheese. Bake for 30 to 45 minutes, until cheese is melted and bubbly.

One of my guests told me "it was the best mac and cheese he'd ever had". (hence the title) I'm not sure if it was true, but it was a good answer. hahahaa.

Enjoy!