I’m assuming you all have heard by now that a couple of weeks ago a Jet Blue stewardess—I mean, “flight attendant” had his own queen fit—I mean “emotional breakdown”—in the middle of an airplane, bitch slapped—I mean “harmed”—an innocent passenger and then scooted his flighty ass down the emergency escape. And is NOW famous for it.
Wait. WHAT? Let me get this straight… This guy clocks a customer, peaces out, and is now FAMOUS?? HOW does this HAPPEN? Now I don’t care who you are, I’m sure that there is someone at your workplace that you would like to throw ‘bows at, but—do you DO it? NO! you maintain your demeanor, throw them a shitty look on the side and move on with your day like any normal person.
And also, why are people on Steven (“Stephanie”) Slater’s side about this? Saying “Good for him!” or “you go girl!” or “I think he had every right to hit that woman. He was just letting off steam.” That, my friends is pure BULLSHIT. Never, EVER, is acceptable to:
1. Throw a temper tantrum at your place of work. (work is for adults, tantrums are children)
2. HIT someone at you place of work. ( You aren’t Mike Tyson, so calm the fuck down and go bite off ears on your personal time.)
I don’t see why his acts of childishness are being recognized, let alone praised. I don’t understand it and never will.
Three weeks ago, Steven Slater was just your regular, limp wristed, jet setting stewardess—using the isles for his runway and waiting for his big gay break. Turns out—He seriously got it. This bitch is writing mini-memoirs in People and is all over every American news network in existence. And, wait for it….. some shitty network like UPN wants to offer him HIS OWN REALITY SHOW. I said it. It’s true. Now stop vomiting, and keep reading. (it’s hard, I know but I need more hits for my website, so just do it. And no, I do not mean hits as in the Steven Slater type)
Seriously they are about to give this ho a reality show? I’m out here busting my ass (aka blogging in my spare time) to become famous and he defies all modicums of acceptable professional behavior and gets money and fame? What is this country coming to?
… and more importantly, what is his show going to be about? I mean I think he got fired from JetBlue, so-- how many people can he possibly hit on an airplane? Is it going to be the next “Flavor of Love” ??( I mean, Bridgitte Neilsen kinda looks like a man anyway, I can see how Steven might be into that)… But Seriously, If he really gets a show, I’m moving to Europe. I can’t live in a country where Barack Obama is President AND Steven Slater has his own reality show. I just can’t….
DISCLAIMER: I am NOT hating on gay people in any way, shape, form or fashion. (If the truth were known, I've never met a gay person that I didn't like-- takes all kinds right?) But your a guy. with gelled up blonde hair. and you are a flight attendant??? Let's call a spade a spade, people.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
The Best Tailgate Ever.
Let me preface this story by explaining that, in the south, we tailgate for EVERYTHING. Football Games, rodeos, horse races, concerts, tubing, golf, fraternity parties--you name it? We have a tailgate for it.
For you northerner’s out there tailgate = barbeque, before an event with LOTS and LOTS of alcohol.
So, last weekend I drove up to Columbia, S.C. --Home of the Fighting Gamecocks, my alma mater and definitely my favorite city in the whole world-- to visit my brother and his friends, who are also good friends of mine. They are seniors at Carolina this year and when they party, let’s say it’s just a notch under Animal House…. Their kitchen table is a camouflage beer pong table (complete with Ducks Unlimited Accents) and they have assorted dead animals hanging on the wall (all of which they have shot,killed, and stuffed of course!) These guys are hilarious, southern, and damn proud of it. They’re some of my favorite people of all time. After quite a long night of partying on Friday, (keep in mind that I had to catch up to where everyone else was since I didn’t arrive in Cola until 10—the drinking at 928 Texas St had commenced at 1 pm, sharp—no worries though, I quickly slammed a four loko and went right on being the ref for beer pong.) some of the poo-nannies in the house decided that they needed a nap… poor babies can’t handle their bourbon, I guess. Some of us, on the other hand decided to man-up and go to… where else?... Wal Mart!
So, we roll up to Wal Mart, and I must say, this particular Wal Mart was FULL of interesting characters…. While there I saw the following:
1. Several people talking obnoxiously loud about “How they was gonna get DayDay if he don’t shuuutt uuupp” while simultaneously doing the “McDonalds Shuffle” (McDonald’s Shuffle: (n.) incredibly slow lazy walk, usually accompanied by a big ass and a bad attitude.—you know, the one that fast food restaurant employees have when they make your food and manage to take 10 minutes going to the fry machine and back?.. “mmmmm hhmmmm”)
Ok I don’t know Dayday or “what he had did”, but I’m pretty sure that the entire store doesn’t need to hear about it. Seriously? Decorum people, decorum.
2. A cashier with Yellow hair that may have reached heights such as 14.5 inches from her forehead. ( and for reals, I am not kidding when I say yellow… think big bird and your right in the hue family that her hair was.)
I wonder how she fits hair of that enormity into her 1992 chevy cavalier when her shift is over… furthermore, how does someone with 2 foot high hair even hold their head up?
3. And last, but not least, the Grand Finale… as we’re walking out the door, this chick, probably early 40s or 30 and had smoked since she was 7, who obviously had been rode hard and put up wet, walks directly in front of us (now I am still from the old school where it is not ever polite to cut in front of people, judge me if you must) only for me to see that she has NO PANTS ON!!!!!!!! WHAT???? Did that JUST happen????? NO. PANTS. NONE?!!! Tye dye t-shirt and bathing suit bottoms that I could only assume belonged to Kelly Kapowski from Saved By the Bell in 1989. NO. PANTS. Pardon my language, but What the FUCK????
So of course throughout our entire trip, we are all making hilarious commentary on the plethora of people in Wally World and laughing so hard our heads hurt… (or maybe that was the hangover. Not the point--) Anyway, we jump in the truck and start to head back home when it hits me. I could stay out here for hours with a tent, some chicken salad and a cooler of something alcoholic and have a friggin’ awesome time people watching! Furthermore, If someone gave me a mic and plugged me up to a karaoke machine, I could make jokes about people that are offensive to human kind and choose not to wear pants and jump start my stand up comedy carreer! Play like you wouldn’t come to that. Seriously.
The idea above is what I believe might possibly be, the best tailgate ever. At the very least, I believe it’s worth a try…Might as well. I mean shit, there’s twenty nine days til football season starts, anyway….
For you northerner’s out there tailgate = barbeque, before an event with LOTS and LOTS of alcohol.
So, last weekend I drove up to Columbia, S.C. --Home of the Fighting Gamecocks, my alma mater and definitely my favorite city in the whole world-- to visit my brother and his friends, who are also good friends of mine. They are seniors at Carolina this year and when they party, let’s say it’s just a notch under Animal House…. Their kitchen table is a camouflage beer pong table (complete with Ducks Unlimited Accents) and they have assorted dead animals hanging on the wall (all of which they have shot,killed, and stuffed of course!) These guys are hilarious, southern, and damn proud of it. They’re some of my favorite people of all time. After quite a long night of partying on Friday, (keep in mind that I had to catch up to where everyone else was since I didn’t arrive in Cola until 10—the drinking at 928 Texas St had commenced at 1 pm, sharp—no worries though, I quickly slammed a four loko and went right on being the ref for beer pong.) some of the poo-nannies in the house decided that they needed a nap… poor babies can’t handle their bourbon, I guess. Some of us, on the other hand decided to man-up and go to… where else?... Wal Mart!
So, we roll up to Wal Mart, and I must say, this particular Wal Mart was FULL of interesting characters…. While there I saw the following:
1. Several people talking obnoxiously loud about “How they was gonna get DayDay if he don’t shuuutt uuupp” while simultaneously doing the “McDonalds Shuffle” (McDonald’s Shuffle: (n.) incredibly slow lazy walk, usually accompanied by a big ass and a bad attitude.—you know, the one that fast food restaurant employees have when they make your food and manage to take 10 minutes going to the fry machine and back?.. “mmmmm hhmmmm”)
Ok I don’t know Dayday or “what he had did”, but I’m pretty sure that the entire store doesn’t need to hear about it. Seriously? Decorum people, decorum.
2. A cashier with Yellow hair that may have reached heights such as 14.5 inches from her forehead. ( and for reals, I am not kidding when I say yellow… think big bird and your right in the hue family that her hair was.)
I wonder how she fits hair of that enormity into her 1992 chevy cavalier when her shift is over… furthermore, how does someone with 2 foot high hair even hold their head up?
3. And last, but not least, the Grand Finale… as we’re walking out the door, this chick, probably early 40s or 30 and had smoked since she was 7, who obviously had been rode hard and put up wet, walks directly in front of us (now I am still from the old school where it is not ever polite to cut in front of people, judge me if you must) only for me to see that she has NO PANTS ON!!!!!!!! WHAT???? Did that JUST happen????? NO. PANTS. NONE?!!! Tye dye t-shirt and bathing suit bottoms that I could only assume belonged to Kelly Kapowski from Saved By the Bell in 1989. NO. PANTS. Pardon my language, but What the FUCK????
So of course throughout our entire trip, we are all making hilarious commentary on the plethora of people in Wally World and laughing so hard our heads hurt… (or maybe that was the hangover. Not the point--) Anyway, we jump in the truck and start to head back home when it hits me. I could stay out here for hours with a tent, some chicken salad and a cooler of something alcoholic and have a friggin’ awesome time people watching! Furthermore, If someone gave me a mic and plugged me up to a karaoke machine, I could make jokes about people that are offensive to human kind and choose not to wear pants and jump start my stand up comedy carreer! Play like you wouldn’t come to that. Seriously.
The idea above is what I believe might possibly be, the best tailgate ever. At the very least, I believe it’s worth a try…Might as well. I mean shit, there’s twenty nine days til football season starts, anyway….
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Britney rhymes with Whitney... Coincidence? I think not....
Does that bitch not looked JACKED UP as hell??? She does not even look the same!
Its like she used purple undereye concealer and got a BIGGER nose. Wait, What?? I love Britney and revere her as the Pop Princess and all that shit but DAMNNNN. She is headed straight for Celebrity Rehab with Whitney Houston (and by that I mean the crack house). Is there a gang bang in Bobby's future? why yes. Yes, I believe there is.
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