Jane Seymour is Offensive as a Jewelry Designer.

So if everyone hasn't already seen the corny Zales commercial for the
Jane Seymour (aka Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman)"Open Heart" collection
you are missing out on some serious comedy.

First of all, if you haven't seen it, go to youtube and look up the commercial. Dr. Quinn is sitting there all pensive and concentrating EXTRA hard, paintbrush in hand, tracing the "open heart" outline like a hundred times with what looks like a BBQ Basting brush, and THAT is what pops out of her bubble of artist's focus??? Let me tell you one thing. If I was concentrating that hard, I better have come up with the 2010 re-vamped version of the Pythagorean Theorem. And I'm still having trouble with the "collection" part of it all.... where are the rest of the peices that go with this heinous collection? I haven't seen them and I'm pretty sure Zales hasn't either. Thank God.

Second of all, this monstrosity to the upper right right looks NOTHING like an open heart. (obviously, Quinnie has never watched "Trauma: Life in the E.R." )
In fact, I'm not quite sure what it is. Is it a swan? or the number 2? Is it a fucked up cursive Z or a backwards S for Seymour? If you're from the Carolinas... does the bottom of it look like the ass crack of the Gaffney Peach? YES. Yes it does.

So Jane, I LOVED Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman (your Indian side kick Sully was totally hot, even when i was 7) and I even loved you as Kitty "Kat" in Wedding Crashers, (Crooked Nose Wilson was stupid not to Motor-Boat you) but, seriously, you are an actor. Not a jewelry designer.