Snooki gets Spray Tan instead of Fake Bake: Alert the Press. Literally.

I, of all people, was super upset when I marched my happy tan ass up to Solar Dimensions the other day, only to find some new notice on their window stating that my monthly fee would be going up because of Senate Bill 362, initiated by Barry O. himself, taxing all tanning beds and tanning bed usage. I was super sad, because let’s be honest, spray tans just AREN’T the same. (see: Lindsey Lohan) $30 bucks for 3 days of tan? I don’t think so. I'm not made of Gold.
Bring on the cancer people. Give me my fifteen minutes of uninterrupted solitude with bug-eye goggles and profuse sweating.

Apparently, Snooki feels the same way…

So I look on Fox News this morning, per the usual, and see some headline out of the corner of my eye on the bottom left that includes the words Snooki and Obama. Of course my eyes immediately dart to the headline, because after all, it was only 6:45, I thought I could have been imagining. The words Snooki and Obama aren’t exactly Fox news “friendly” if you conservatives out there know what I mean… let alone in the same headline.
So if you haven’t heard or read, here’s what I found: http://www.thefoxnation.com/jersey-shore/2010/06/07/snooki-blasts-obama-tanning-tax
Yes, Snooki. I’m sure that President Obama enstated the Tanning Tax because in his down time, he watches your show and aggressively dislikes you and your gel-head friends. RIIIIGGGGHHHTTTT. I mean, I'm with you on the spray tans sucking thing but, REALLY???

So for what it's worth, here's my take on the Tanning Tax: (not that I matter anymore than Snooki, but I am a HEAP more intelligent) THAT SHIT IS RACISM. Yep, I said it. You heard me. How are you just gonna hate on the whites like that, B.O.? We NEEEEEED to be tan. We can't be lookin' a hot mess all the time, or laying out in 32 degree weather. Nicole Kidman is about the only person I've ever seen that looked halfway decent without a tan and the rest of us aren't that pretty or skinny so cut us some slack, damnit.

I'm sure Obama has never had to worry that he would look too white in his drunk facebook pictures when all his makeup has rubbed off after several shots from an ice louge. He doesn’t know what that’s like to wake up the next morning with photos tagged of yourself where you look like Casper the Friendly Drunk. Tanning beds alleviate this problem, and so many others, for white women , homosexual men, guidos, and movie stars alike (except for moviestars,replace facebook with US Weekly).... and when you add up all of those demographics, you probably have like 30 percent of the population (well I don't know if it's 30 percent, but its a lot of pissed off, catty white people with fake nails and big diamonds.-- and don't think for a second that that Band of Bitches couldn't do some damage). If I were Barack Obama, I'd watch my back.

My God, I can't believe I'm even thinking about this... but I bet this would have NEVER happened if Sarah Palin were Vice President.

Furthermore, Is Obama really doing his job if Snooki is in today's news headlines? Food for thought....