Going Cold Turkey....

They say “what doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger” …. Until recently, I was fairly sure that “they” had it wrong and that the actual, correct statement should have been “what doesn’t kill us, makes us wish it did.” My latest foray into quitting cigarettes and facebook cold turkey has made me realize that maybe “they” had it right the first time….

Some recent trials of my strength both in my personal and my professional life gave me the idea to absolutely rid my life of as many negative influences as possible and see if I could survive.- to really get down to the things that were (directly or indirectly) making me sad and eliminate them. One less bell to answer, one less egg to fry kinda thing- but in a good way…

Many of you know that I’ve battled chronic depression since college… It’s the kind of thing that isn’t always an imminent illness, but when it rains, it pours. For about the last 3 months, rest assured, it’s been pouring. That’s just how the illness goes…. It’s also the kind of thing that, until now, I could bottle up and push off with sleep, or humor, or alcohol. I had found the keen ability to bottle it up with drunkenness and jokes and not really let it affect my life until I layed down at night and it was just me and the Big D. I’d cry for thirty minutes, tell myself that it was going to be fine, to suck it up, and take enough melatonin to go to sleep and begin the routine over again the next day. Then, I started to lose it at work. Literally lose it. Make stupid mistakes, stare at the computer screen for ten minutes before I could focus, or even remember what I was doing in the first place. And my work is ENTIRELY too important to me to let illness of any kind ruin the good thing that I have going for me.

So here’s where the elimination of negativity comes in…. What, I thought to myself was causing my sadness? Well isn’t that the 20, 000 dollar question?.... There’s a mess of things that I’m sure contribute to it, but the one thing that I can pinpoint is that I don’t have what other people my age have… mainly a significant other, and a path to creating a happy and fulfilled life. They take four steps forward, pass go and collect a diamond, a spouse, and a happy life.
I take one step forward, four steps back, and desperately crawl one space back up. Any way you cut it, I’m clearly behind the curve….
I was sick and tired of seeing picture perfect weddings and bridal showers and diamonds and kisses and new dogs, new houses, smiles… sick and tired of seeing everything I don’t have paraded in front of me as if people are literally saying “see! Look what an awesome life I have! And you live in an apartment with a roommate and cook spaghettios for yourself at night!! Hahahahaha! Poor thing….”
So, I decided that these picture perfect lives, being brought to me, courtesy of facebook would be the first thing to go in my “Get Rid of Negativity” Transformation. I didn’t need to see other people’s lives and compare mine to theirs. I am what I am, and I have what I have at the only pace at which I can obtain it, MY OWN PACE. And I’ve decided that that is just fine.

I’ve been without facebook for 2 weeks now. I am most definitely a happier person without it. I don’t miss it. And the only hard thing about dropping it, was breaking the habit. Not picking up my phone to check a new notification, not really caring what anyone else is doing, having full confidence that the people who I truly care about and who truly care about me have multiple ways to contact me and won’t ever lose touch because I am not on facebook-- and most importantly focusing on me and measuring myself by my standards, and mine only. Breaking my previous thought patterns....

With the positive response my morale had from quitting facebook cold turkey, I began to wonder, What else could I quit and have a positive response from? Maybe quitting is a good thing…. Maybe if I vowed to quit all the vices in my life, I would find the happiness I’ve been looking for.

Next on the list: Cigarettes and Alcohol. (ok, I can’t quit alcohol, let’s be honest. If loving wine/Burnetts Lime Vodka is wrong I don’t EVER wanna be right.) BUTTTT, It’s day 12, and I still haven’t had a cig!!

I’m going to continue pondering on what else I can quit cold turkey and I challenge you to cut the negativity out of your life and see just how strong you are…

“We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot. “
Eleanor Roosevelt