In anticipation, my friends and I had been emailing all week, straightening out what our itineraries would be and how we could make the most of our time together- planning out details such as what tailgate we would go to, how much alcohol we would need, exactly when to eat (preventing vomit attacks, but without losing our buzz of course), and who (for us single ladies) we would be making out with.
In our “reply all” conversation, we somehow came up with this collaborative proposed itinerary:
9:00 am: arrive at tailgate
9:03 am: set up, start screaming GAME-- COCKS!!
9:05 am: contemplate and discuss why we are going to win and who callie will make out with when we win
9:15 am: start to feel the first traces of a buzz
9:23 am: Meredith and Liz start taking pictures with our mouths wide open
9:37 am: Jess* pulls out her mini bottle of vodka and starts sipping
9:47 am: Callie and Haley* are huddled in the corner of a random bathroom discussing recent life events.
10:15 am: brief nap, but we all grab coffee to recoop
10:24 am: Meredith's mother starts feeding us jello shots
10:36 am: Haley hears an old ZTA song and starts to cry
11:21 am: We begin the drunk trek to Liz's parents tailgate
11:34 am: arrive at Liz's parents tailgate where her Dad shoves a beer our hands.
3:00 pm: Gamecocks have won, and Callie is fixing everyone's hair post sweat/cheer/and rustle 3:05pm: Callie and Jess* find the two boys they decided to make out with, and make out with them (Sloppy style)
3:06pm: Haley finds Budd/Trick Blackson**names have been changed to protect the hot and innocent** (whichever one will do) and makes out with them
3:15pm: Liz and I laugh hysterically at the drunk/sloppy make out seshes and tell passerbys to “have a goot one”
3:41pm: I (Callie) ask **Austin Coyle** if he wants to make out and remind him of the “good time” that we had Sophomore year….
3:43pm: after pondering, Austin Agrees.
4:00-5:30 pm: None of us remember—I’m hoping that my exbf is in this segment. And I’m also hoping that I call his fiance a fugly fattie. which begs the question, If a ZTA loses her class/dignity and no one is sober enough to remember it, did it actually happen? NO.>
4:00pm: Meredith’s mom continues to shove jello shots down our throats
4:55pm: All of us start laughing/crying cause we are lost and have no ride
4:56pm: We immediately realize we are just at the memorial lot and that scary, drunk, animals are just the guys we went to school with
5:15pm: We go home and start to immediately drink whatever is in the fridge (likely Burnetts and Busch Light)
5:45pm: We immediately eat whatever is in the house (likely ramen noodles and string cheese) 7pm: We go downtown, run into old college/high school friends (that we likely don’t want to run into) at Pavlov’s and dance to “Shout!”
7:15pm: Callie begins making out with the guy from earlier (or a new one?) in front of her ex bf. Take that!
8pm: Liz and Mere start swimming in the fountain while Haley dances on the side rail
815pm: We are all thrown in a taxi and sent home.
Cause let’s be honest: We are too old for that shit!”
Below is what actually happened:
7:30 am- wake up, Crack Busch Light
7:45- Shower, with burnt hand (explanation in a blog to come) and busch light. I might add, that It’s very hard to shave your legs with one gimp hand and a beer in the other.
8:15- get out of shower, dress, put on makeup.
8:30- realize that I have no hair-dryer and I am at my brothers house. Needless to say, my hair had to air dry.
9:00- My pledge ride arrives courtesy of Kappa Sig. (Yes, I am 24 and still being transported to football games by pledges. Fuck you.)
9:05- My hair is still half wet, curly and looks like JonBenet Ramsey and DeeDee Pickles from the Rugrats had a baby. I pack my straightner in hopes that there will be an outlet and a vanity at the tailgate- and a ball cap just in case.
9:05-9:40- sit in traffic with tired, whiny pledges. Stop to get 2 Four Lokos and a pack of Cigarettes.
Me: “ you need to get a hold of yourself and man the fuck up. If you think this is bad, you should just call your self a puss and get out now.
Pledge 1:
9:40- Arrive at Millengate 2010. (Millengate= my best friends’ parent’s tailgate. Includes cornhole, dancing, jello shots, the best chicken bog in the southeast, and one big happy family that knows how to freakin’ party.)
9:45: I immediately ask where the bathroom is and Meredith’s dad points me toward a porta potty.
Guess I won’t be straightening my hair. I throw the ball cap on and move the fuck on to my four loko, because let’s be honest, it’s 9:45 and I still only have a slight buzz. UNACCEPTABLE.
Well, after the four loko and 3 beers on an empty stomach, I couldn’t put a time frame on the rest of the day’s events if I tried-- but I do know that it included the following highlights:
-Dancing on a pile of 2x4s at the Lumber yard where we were tailgating to I’m Real by J-Lo and Ja Rule
-Shamelessly hitting on 3 extremely hot guys from New Zealand
-carrying a cooler with a rebel flag on it across the railroad tracks to the memorial lot.
-Catching up with people I went to college with, some of which I didn’t really want to see, but I was too drunk to care….
-watching, -in what seemed like slow motion- my beautiful pink, billion dollar straightner, get run the fuck over by a jacked up Chevy Z71. Then finding that it was smashed to smitherines and would never be in working order again. I am now doomed with an afro until I can afford a new one.
-Sam, my brother, trying to teach me to play horseshoes. I promptly hit the side of his house on my first and second tries. We called it quits after that…. I think I’ll stick to cornhole.
-Partying on Sam’s porch until about 1 am, which made for a total 15.5 hours of drinking.
Yep, whoever said old people can’t party was fuckin WRONGGGGGGGG. I look forward to having a repeat of this on the Tennessee weekend, 10/31. Thank you and Goodnight..
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